Another time to use the listen more/talk less technique is when you’re in trouble (depending on the kind of trouble you are in). Allow the other person that might be speaking on your behalf, to attest to your character or motivation. Sometimes, it’s best just to face a tense situation with honesty and take responsibility for it. The rule should be 99% listening and 1% talking. You’ll get your chance to be heard if you are patient and respectful. 

Speak when spoken to, and keep your responses short and to-the-point to prevent saying the wrong thing and getting yourself in more trouble. Seriously, calmly take the lashing, look them in the eye to show you’re listening and then speak only when necessary, and with carefully chosen words. For example, “Yes, you’re right. What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, [and explain] here’s why ______.” Or, “I only did what I did [explain] for these reasons ______.” 

Then, shut up. Afterwards, the person you got in trouble with might say (or think), “Wow, I spoke my mind, they listened, they didn’t put up a fight or respond with much, but instead, I really think they meant they were sorry and learned their lesson. Wow, I feel good about that discussion. I kind of feel bad I came down so hard on them. They (you) really did LISTEN well to what I was saying.”

Granted, while every situation is different, you get the idea. Talk less, listen more. Even if it’s tough on you to NOT respond with words or what you’d like to say in the heat of the moment. Best to just zip it, and respond with SILENCE, understanding, and the idea that you will do the right thing next time. That is, unless you have something specific to say in your defense. Then, of course, state your claim. Still, keep it short, and to the point. 

By listening more and talking less, you push the other person to talk even MORE! In some situations, that’s a good thing. Suppose you wanted to get the truth out of someone, or you just wanted to learn more about a specific subject. Maybe something’s going on with the other person, emotionally, that they really need to get out and be heard. If you’re doing all the talking, how is the other person going to “spill the beans!” They can’t! 

In another example, try NOT to ask too many questions. Instead, ask one or two questions or make an effective statement, such as, “So, tell me about __________. What’s going on?” and then, even when you feel you want to say more, take a break and allow the other person to respond. Maintain silence and listen for a long period of time. YOUR SILENCE can/might be deafening, yes. No one likes to sit in a quiet room without some form of noise going on! Watch as the other person hints that it’s your turn, and that you could respond, but don’t give in to those subtle suggestions. Instead, remain quiet, UNTIL? The other person starts speaking again, unloading more of what’s on their mind. This technique really helps you get to the bottom line, in time, and whatever B.S. might be going on in their lives. You’re bound to get more out of someone with silence, than with a barrage of questions. Just wait, patiently, for them to spill it all out.

As I mentioned, listening gives you more information. Can you learn (even think) when you’re talking? No. When your mouth is running, brain shuts down. Can you think while someone else is speaking? Yes, you can thinking because your mouth is not moving, your ears (and mind) are wide open, taking in (and processing) all kinds of information. Allow the other person to speak. This can only work in your favor. The more time you have to think about your response (or no response). Think about it, speakers speak (i.e., information going out), and the audience listens (information going in for processing). I know basic stuff, right? Apply this more often than not wherever you go and see what happens. You might just be surprised about what you learn! 

Plus, the more you DON’T speak, but listen and respond with specific, well-crafted responses, the more you come across as someone who is caring, understanding, a deep thinker, and someone who just doesn’t speak because they like to hear the sound of their own voice. People who go on and on talking incessantly are so annoying! They don’t listen! They don’t learn! They can’t get any feedback because you can’t get a word in edgewise! THEY just run off at the mouth until they run out of air. Then, when you try to respond, you can’t get a word in during due to non-chatter. They cut you off before you can adequately express yourself. Then, the cycle starts all over again. How does this make you feel? Disrespected? Frustrated? Angered? Talk less, listen more is still the rule. 

Pausing, is probably one of the best techniques you can use in any conversation to assist in you listening more and the other person talking more. Pausing adds emphasis to whatever it is you want to say. Pausing makes you look good, because it shows you’re not in a rush to talk over the other person’s words. Pausing helps bring out more from the other person in the conversation, because it leaves the floor open for that person to keep talking. 

Try this: Let the other person finish their sentences) completely, then (you) pause before responding. Watch what happens. Practice pausing (for 5-10 seconds; that’s all that’s needed) on the phone or in person after listening to someone say something. It takes a little practice, but pausing can really become one of the best tools you can rely on in any conversation. Your timing and hesitation can be powerfully effective, add meaning and influence a worthy conversation. 

Lastly, the person who does most of the talking really isn’t in control of the conversation. More often, it’s the other way around. Why so? If you’re asking the right questions, listening, and allowing the other person to respond, guess who’s controlling the conversation? You are. 

So, what’s the bottom line? Talk less. Pause (throughout) the conversation. Listen more. Do more thinking. Ask more questions. Ramble. Stop fire-hosing people to death, if you do. Pause and allow people to respond to what you have to say every few minutes. Don’t hog the microphone in the conversation. Allow for others to get in on what you have to say. Keep your talking points to bite-sized word patterns; making them easy to respond to. 

Think before you speak. Take time crafting your responses while the other person talks so when it’s your turn, every word you speak has meaning, punch, impact, influence, and leaves the kind of impression on people that really lasts a lifetime. (“I’ll never forgot what you said to me when _____. Your words really made an impact on me. Wow! Thank you!”) How would you like to be the kind of person to receive that kind of response from people? They might not openly say it to you and do you really care? You know your truth, what’s going on. Set the tone for every conversation going forward. Talk less, ask more questions, listen more, and for all the right reasons.