Read Book Excerpts From Find The One For Me by Bart Smith

Introduction & Why I Wrote This Book

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Why DID I write this book and why SHOULD you read it? What can you learn from it? Well, I wrote the book for MYSELF just as much as I wrote it for you. Sure, we’ve all been around the block a few times where dating and relationships are concerned. SO, what else is there to learn?

We all have our experiences, right? We also have the experiences of others to learn from. Isn’t that enough? You could say the same, possibly, about making money. “I have enough ... I know enough ... I don’t need any more (or I don’t have any), and I certainly don’t need to learn a new skill or check out a new stock option or business opportunity that might help me make more money ...” Right? The same goes for relationships in a weird, yet, honest way. Check this out.

You see, whether you’re in a relationship, married, single, looking for love or just taking a break from it all, we can always learn more about how we interact with other humans, especially in the relationship department. I mean, did anyone ever get a copy of the How To Be A Human, Interact With Them & Find Love Ever After manual when they were born or graduate high school or college? You know, the “be all / tell all” guide to navigating the world of hearts, needs, human urges, driving impulses, lies, crazies, nuts, manipulators, B.S.’ers, or the sweet, kind and wonderful ones out there in this crazy world? Exactly! There ain’t such a book. Well, maybe if you read every relationship book out there and all at once, you might actually gain some wisdom in the area I speak of (i.e., relationships).

We know thousands of authors have flooded the market with their relationship books, and I’ve read a lot of them. Some are really good, some are so so, and some are just not worth picking up.

I have to tell you, though, after writing Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want From Men Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom, I never found another relationship book to top that one or told me (in so many ways) how to treat a woman once I found her. For me, and, us guys, Laws Of The Bedroom is all we need ONCE we have the woman of our dreams, hand in hand, arm in arm, walking down the road of life, love and holy matrimony (i.e., claiming her heart forever).

But, what if you don’t have someone in your life YET, or you’re dating and not sure if that someone is THE ONE for you? The Laws just didn’t cover the kind of material and relationship insights that needed to be shared with those in such situations. So, I thought long and hard about writing this book for quite a few years. Having had all that time to observe others, perform my own research, read and listen to the experiences and concerns others have (when looking for the one for them), after many, many years, did I finally start writing this book.

I love the title, Find The One For Me. It doesn’t get any clearer than that. Isn’t that what we all want? Someone we can call our own? Someone who makes us feel good, and in so many ways; just as we dedicate our lives to doing the same in their direction every minute of the day? (Love that song, by the way!) Life’s hard and a tad lonesome without someone after awhile, right? Sure, we know how to go it alone, be on our own, hang in there, stand strong while single, on up until the moment comes and your one walks right into your life unexpectedly. Yikes, what do you do now?

It was a growing need out there, the content (and intent) of this book that fired me up to want to learn even more about relationships, human psychology, matters of the heart, what turns people on/off, signs we give (to attract/repel) someone, what men/women look for in the opposite sex, and so much other stuff that it all lead me to being prepared and ready to interact with that special someone right in front of you that you hope one day might also want to join you in that intimate walk of life and living it ... together!

During the research and writing process, matched with my desire to help others, this book just took on a life of its own. Originally, I actually had a different approach to writing Find The One For Me. Something like, answer these questions (about yourself) when it comes to finding that special someone. Well, I was pretty happy with how it started, but when I actually got to writing for it, it didn’t fly too well (writing-wise). Funny, I discovered this while on a plane flying high overhead during one of my travels. I said to myself, “Self, how should this book really be written? What should go in it?” Then, it hit me. The table of contents sprung out of me and was organized in minutes! From there, the writing just flew and I was off to filling Find The One For Me with loads of wisdom, life and relationship tips and insights on helping you find the one for you!

Now, here’s the test. I challenge you to open this book (anywhere) and learn just one thing for every ten things I’ve already learned and found fascinating about relationships and human behavior. I know you’ll have so much more fun finding, looking for, sorting through, interacting and hanging out with, securing and eventually living with the one who’s meant for you.

I’ll tell ya something, I’ve had a lot of conversations with men and women over my lifetime about relationships and finding the one for them. What have I been hearing? Well, for some, which I also believe to be for many whom I’ve never met, it’s a sad report to give. They’re having a hard time. Maybe they don’t show it, but in small ways, I pick up on it. Hence, again, why this book was written. I hope it helps whoever reads it, who’s on that journey to find someone, to help accelerate the process a little faster (and safer) than it would be without a book like ... Find The One For Me.

You see, finding that someone special kind of boils down to these things ... faith, yes, that there is someone out there for you (no matter your age or circumstances); getting out there; putting your best foot forward; being in the right place at the right time and sometimes; filtering through the slim pickings from those you might or would never date compared to those you seek out and dream of dating; taking a chance; going for it (i.e., asking them out, silly); nurturing some fun initial chemistry; only to hope if you play your cards right, and the other person doesn’t turn out to be a wacko, crazy, drama queen/king with issues, etc., that everything develops into something serious you both really want to commit to. You know, that “falling in love” feeling. The “Where have you been all my life?” experience, or “Once I met him/her, I just couldn’t see myself living without them for the rest of my life! So, we took the plunge and ...” You know how the story goes, right? You’re just wanting it to happen to you now ... and why not!

With that in mind, this book was written with seven insightful sections on relationships. Each section representing a sequential stage or step in your journey to finding love and the one for you. You can just imagine the process, right? How’s it go? Well, from my point of view, it goes something like this:

#1 — Picture The One For You

#2 — Prepare To Meet The One For You

#3 — Start Looking For The One For You

#4 — Hanging Out With The One For You

#5 — Securing The One For You

#6 — Living With The One For You

#7 — After THE One For You Is No Longer With You

I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty spot on, wouldn’t you say? Well, without any further adieu, let’s dive right into finding the one for you. I hope the words within this book inspire you to find what I know you deserve ... Some ONE meant just for you!

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BOOK EXCERPT #2

CHAPTER 1

Picture The One For You

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

EVERYTHING STARTS WITH
A VISION OF WHO YOU
WANT IN YOUR LIFE

Virtually everything we might ever want or desire in life typically starts with a single, perhaps yearning, vision, maybe a dream, an ambition for something we don’t have, but think we want.

Finding the one for you might also start with the same kind of yearning vision. What’s more, a constant flow of positive affirmations, hope, and confidence in yourself plus the belief that there awaits someone out there ... just for you!

Can You Picture The One For You?

So, you yearn to have someone in your life? Someone to do things with, converse with, to hold and to be held. Well, let’s start visualizing that person’s appearance with a few initial questions. Such as, what does he/she look like? How would you like him/her to make you feel? What activities can you picture the two of you doing together? What kind of life would you like to have with the one for you? Do you see kids in that picture? Travel? Similar or complementary career aspirations? Where do you want to live with this special someone? If you can dream it, you can live it ... I say!

Finding the one starts with a little – faith – as in, believing wholeheartedly that there truly is someone out there who wants to meet you, get to know you, spend time with you, and walk with you through life ...

Some call it serendipity. Was there ever a person you knew you were meant to meet and who came along at the perfect time? It happens to millions of people every year. It can happen to you as well.

“I was at a neighbor’s party, talking to my friends, when (my future wife) walked in. Literally, she took my breath away. I walked up to her, started a conversation, got her number, and we got married a year later.”

All you have to do is have that same outlook and faith that the universe will deliver someone to you that’s just right for you. Your job is to prepare, keep your eyes and ears open, act when you see an opportunity, investigate who’s before you, invest in that person and to deliver daily your love, care and devotion with that special someone for them to become the ONE for you. Done, there’s the secret formula for finding the ONE for you, right? Well, almost!

The one is usually our Better Half,

the person who Completes us!

What’s great about that truth is that we don’t have to be perfect ourselves in order to be in a relationship with someone else. We just have to bring one half (i.e., our whole self) while the other person brings the second half (i.e., their whole self). Done. So many people put pressure on themselves to be perfect, look perfect, have the perfect this or that. Well, forget all that. Being perfect is an illusion. Perfection is something you may never reach, let alone grow tired (or broke) trying to meet such extreme expectations; let alone to maintain them. Instead, just be yourself. It’s easier and you’re already a pro at it.

“Take me or leave me. This is who I am. I have nothing to hide and I don’t want the one I want to hide anything from me either. I accept him/her for themselves, wholeheartedly, and with all the flaws and finer qualities that I know I’ll grow to love, adore and cherish for as long as we are together.”

While you picture the one for you and meeting that person one day and having a conversation, can you also see yourself as perfect just as you are. Then, all you need to do now is to get out there because your better half is waiting to meet you and complete you!

Time is always on your side to find

the one for you whether you’re

in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.

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BOOK EXCERPT #3

CHAPTER 2

Prepare To Meet The ONE

OPPORTUNITY FAVORS THE “PREPARED” SOULMATE

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Preparing to meet the one for you is probably one of the most important components to finding (and attracting) that special someone into your life, next to just getting out there so you can be seen and observed by your future mate. Why so? Because, the more or less you do for yourself to prepare to meet that special mystery someone (e.g., who just might walk right into your life when you least expect him/her to) can make or break the one opportunity.

You need to be able to keep that person close to you long enough to begin the process of getting to know each other and hanging out together to see if there’s truly a connection, match, interest or maybe it’s, “Whoa, no way, not for me. I just wanted the date to be over!” So, when it comes to preparing for the ONE, here are some things I’d encourage you to consider.

A LIST Can Help You FIND The One, BUT Only The “RIGHT” LIST

What kind of list(s) should you consider and what on your list(s) should you eliminate? Any list that describes certain physical characteristics, can (believe it or not) be tossed or at least put aside while the other lists (laid out for you inside this book) should be given closer attention, care and detail.

You know the old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover?“ The same holds true with finding the one for you. The person you’re going out on a date with might be gorgeous, handsome, hot and beautiful, but on the inside, whoa, this person has ... ISSUES! Of course, everyone has (some kind of) issues, right? Well, you never saw their drug habits or quick temper through that radiant smile he/she gave you when you first shook hands and said, “Hi, my name’s ___. What’s yours?” Nobody ever sees what’s on the inside until we spend time with them, right? So, while looks help us sift through the sea of relationship prospects, the most redeeming quality in a person that we should all be looking for is ... how does this person make me feel 24/7/365? Just imagine a surprising scenario like this one:

“You know, I never really was attracted to men/women with ____ and/or looked like ____, but this one really surprised me. As I got to know him/her, I couldn’t help but to get a good feeling from what I saw inside. I’m going to give this one a chance. I’m going to see him/her again. I know, it’s not my normal reaction, but I just really like the way he/she makes me feel when I’m with that person. I want to know more. Strange, isn’t it?”

Not really. You can see, setting the “LOOKS LIST” aside, to some degree, allows you to focus on certain other aspects that actually can help you find the ONE for you. Getting to that, what kind of lists should you make and adhere to? Where this book is concerned, any list that deals with attitudes, treatment (of you and those around you), health issues, the law, money matters, any/all addictions, abuse of any kind, RUN. Focus on tone of voice (kind, smooth, sensitive and even seductive), how arguments (few to none) are handled, mutual interests, thoughts on dating/marriage/family aspirations. They should look good, etc. How’s that so far? Well, this book is filled with over 150 lists for you to learn from when it comes to finding the one for you!

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BOOK EXCERPT #4

You Have To “BECOME” The One, In Order To “FIND” The One!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

I only say this first, because everything starts from here. How prepared are you to meet that special someone? Work on YOU first. Develop YOU. The more interesting you become, the greater the odds that the right person will come along and notice your unique qualities and wham! I think that’s called attraction!

Don’t let your guard down or your mind/heart/body/finances/career slip. Keep up with your exercise program (or start one), eat healthy (or start), keep reading, learning, growing, advancing, earning, saving, etc. All of these qualities and more, are what the other person will be looking for in YOU and then the more you have to share, give and show, the better your prospects for attracting good people into your life meaning someone who really does meet your needs and vice versa.

When that special someone does walk into your life, and perhaps when you least expect it, that’s not the time to start fixing yourself up for their evaluation of you from a dating/marriage perspective? You want to be as ready as you can at all times! Don’t find yourself unprepared and saying, “Well, last week I was looking hot, had my life in order, until last night when I consumed a 2-pound bag of M&M’s and then stopped working out for 2 weeks. Oh, my apartment is a mess and needs a good cleaning. I’ve let everything go.” The point is, stay sharp, stay fresh, keep working to be the best that you can possibly be for yourself and someone else.

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BOOK EXCERPT #5

Know Thyself Inside & Out!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

How do you know what you’re looking for if you don’t know who YOU ARE first! Make a list of your likes and dislikes. What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you think would make you happy? What do they look like? What do they do (for fun, for work ...).

Visualize this person as a single person and then visualize that person with you. See yourself interacting with that person. Experiment with several different sets of circumstances and situations (good and bad). How do you react? How does the other person respond? Take notes …

Exposure → You’ve got to get out there. The more potential mates you meet – the better your chances of finding him or her!

Active Lifestyle → Participation in what we call life – other humans do. You’ll find him or her engaged in the joys of life.

Adventure → Go places you’ve never been before. Venture out of your “comfort zone.”

Vibrant Health → A healthy mind and body attracts other healthy minds and bodies for pure and ultimate selection every time!

Patience, My Friend → Good things come to those who wait! Time will give you exactly what you want if you can give time what it wants: patience! That’s almost worth repeating, I think: Time will give you exactly what you want if you can give time what it wants: patience!

Quality Time → Spend more time with your new mate than with your friends … really get to know her/him out. Is he/she the one? You won’t know if you’re only part-time friends or lovers ...

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BOOK EXCERPT #6

12 Things To Do To Get Ready To Meet The ONE For You

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Here’s a quick list of self-truths when it comes to how you could (and should) prepare to meet the one for you soon to come.

1. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. It starts here. Be good to yourself. “You must treat yourself like #1. Do you need to be reminded?” I love that lyric and I live it. No one has to tell me, nor should you be told. To the degree you show yourself the kind of love, time, attention and care you want/deserve, not only will you know how to deliver the same to the ONE for you, but your expectations will be acute and on the look out for something similar in return. Anything less might be kindly greeted with a, “I can see you need time to chill, relax and learn how to love (on your own time) ... BYE!” That goes for those you meet who aren’t exactly ready to be in a relationship, or while seemingly calm on the inside, periodically exhibits small bouts of negative outbursts that aren’t easy to be around. If you get my drift. “See ya!” I say.

2. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND FIRST. This means being able to enjoy your own company before you’re in the company of another, namely, the ONE for you. How do you get along with yourself? Are you comfortable in your own skin? If so, great. If not, that’s okay, too. The idea here is to be able to be the best friend to yourself, because, again, you’ll want to become the best friend to the ONE for you.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS / DECISIONS. So true. How many people today don’t take responsibility for anything they say or do? I’ve seen many never own up to the way they treat others, let alone themselves. As a consequence, those bad decisions impact others around them negatively. I don’t want that to be you. By taking responsibility for our actions, we can easily filter out those who don’t in their own lives.

4. BE CONFIDENT, STRONG & ASSURED. It’s rather easy when you spend a little time each day getting to know yourself, what you like, don’t like, want, don’t want (in life and in the ONE for you). Never let anyone boss you around, tell you what to do (with your life), what’s good for you, or what you should do or who you should be with. These decisions are all yours. If you can vote, have a license to drive an automobile, pay rent/mortgage, pay your own bills, then you can run your own life. Period. Next.

5. ACT YOUR AGE NOT YOUR SHOE SIZE. I haven’t heard that one in a long time, but it’s so true. How many people today AREN’T acting their age, but rather, immaturely act irresponsibly and show up to the table to make noise or immature decisions that in some ways adversely affect others. Those people should and will be shown the door fast. You have a life to live and someone to help you live that life with joy and long-term fantasy fulfillment is your goal. So, lead by example. Act your age, be mature, wise and you’ll attract the same qualities into your life. If anything, you’ll deflect those who aren’t acting their age. “Um, day care is down the street a few blocks on the left. You can’t miss it. I called them and told them you’re coming. If you hurry, you can make nap time.”

6. BE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE AND PROSPEROUS. All this means is have a good paying job, learn skills that can pay you a good wage, keep you current with bill paying, don’t incur loads of debt. If you don’t have it - don’t spend it, save for a rainy day and, if you don’t already have a business (or investments), look into them so you can make extra money on top of your job, that is, unless you’re already making good money. This is important, because you WILL have expenses while dating, getting married, having/raising a family, emergencies, retirement and other expenses to consider. Basically, get busy in this area if you think you need more attention here.

7. REMAIN CALM, COOL AND EMOTIONALLY STABLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. From time to time, the sky will fill with gray clouds. It might rain or even thunderstorm from time to time. Either way, staying in control of your emotions will serve you better always.

8. CLEAN UP YOUR WARDROBE. How do you dress? What do you wear? If you’re single and out to impress, a lot can be said by how you dress and what you wear. Need help? Ask friends who have good taste or visit your local department store and ask a variety of retail clerks to pick clothing items out for you. Out with the old, and in with the new wardrobe/look for you when you’re about to go looking for the ONE. Look sharp and dress the part. Besides, you’ll feel like a million bucks if you dress well. That doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money on your wardrobe. There are dozens of stores that have name brand clothing items at reduced prices. Shop around. Take a break from your hectic single’s schedule and spend a little time improving yourself in this area, if need be. Make sure your clothing is clean and well pressed.

9. CLEAN UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT(S). This goes for your bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, car, garage, backyard, office, closet(s), etc. Seriously, I’ve been in the homes and apartments of some of my single friends and when I look around, I’m not surprised they’re still single. Bathrooms are disgusting, kitchen sinks filled with unwashed dishes, floors are dirty with pet hairs, bedrooms are disaster zones, offices are buried in papers and more. Seriously, folks. No one wants to move into a pigsty. Granted if you have your own, well, that still doesn’t make it right. Two pigsties only make for a dirtier place. Get clean. Keep clean. Stay clean. Stay organized. Need help? Ask someone to help you with organization. “So, my house is a wreck and I don’t know how to organize it. Can you help me? I’ll take you to lunch or whatever you ask for within reason.” You might be surprised when a friend or colleague comes to your rescue. “Yeah, let’s see what we can do.” WOW! Organization attracts those who are also clean and organized themselves. Otherwise, what’s the saying? “Like attracts like!” What do you want to attract?

10. Be/remain drug-free and drink (alcohol) responsibly, socially or not at all. Seems simple, but you’d be surprised by how many people have hidden abuses to drugs, medication, alcohol or other addictions that in the long run will only harm your relationship. So, if I were you, I’d have a no tolerance policy with anyone with a chemical addiction or drinks in excess weekly/monthly. I’ve seen 3-5 glasses of wine per night ruin a marriage. “But, I just wanted to share a bottle of wine with my friends!” Every night? In the long run, everything slips away and the couple files for divorce a mere two years after the cork popped and they tied the knot.

11. ALWAYS BE IMPROVING YOUR SKILL-BASE, KNOWLEDGE, EDUCATION AND ENHANCING YOUR CAREER SUCCESS. While that sounds like a mouthful, they all kind of go hand in hand. The more you know, the more money you’ll probably be able to make. The more you know, the more career options you have when or if something happens and you get laid off or you grow tired of working in XYZ industry.

12. STAY HEALTHY, STAY IN SHAPE & WATCH YOUR WEIGHT. I say all this, not because finding the ONE is all about your LOOKS, but it’s about staying HEALTHY, living a LONG LIFE, and staying out of the hospital! Seriously, so many people today are either overweight, sick, suffering from some kind of disease, illness, pain, etc. CHOICES, that’s where it all begins. What do you eat? Healthy or unhealthy? Do you work out? Staying in the best shape possible is how you’ll be able to lead the quality of life you want with the ONE for you. There’s someone out there for everyone, no matter what shape/condition you’re in, for sure. My message here is one of longevity, avoiding health care costs/bills, and being able to remain active, healthy and alive through all the years of your life with the ONE for you. That’s all.

Are there other personal qualities and attributes you should adhere to in preparation for meeting the ONE for you? Sure there are. Many will come out in the many lists mentioned ahead in this book. So, let’s hop to them, eh? The ONE for you awaits you, is eager to get to know you and claim you as theirs just as you have visualized for him/her.

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BOOK EXCERPT #7

36 Things You Should Never Sacrifice For A Relationship

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Really, no matter what kind of relationship you enter into, never compromise your values in these areas. Here are 36 things you should never sacrifice in a relationship.

Your Adventurism

Your Aspirations

Your Beliefs

Your Career

Your Children

Your Decision-Making Power

Your Diet

Your Dreams

Your Ethics

Your Faith

Your Family

Your Feelings

Your Financial Independence

Your Foods You Like

Your Freedom Of Choice

Your Friends

Your Fun/Good Times

Your Goals

Your Happiness

Your Health

Your Ideals

Your Independence

Your Inner Peace

Your Morals

Your Opinion

Your Personality/Identity

Your Pets

Your Plans

Your Privacy

Your Relationships

Your Right To Be You

Your Right To Leave

Your Self-Belief

Your Self-Respect

Your Style

Your Time To Be Alone

While virtually any relationship requires some form of compromise, no relationship should ever reach the level where you have to change who you are on the inside or to the extreme that your individual rights are completely ignored, or worse, controlled to the detriment or destruction of what was once a wonderful and beautiful you.

Your special someone should first get to know you so well that he/she can respect who you are and add value to your great qualities, just as you will enhance his/hers in return. Oh, did I say there’s no negotiation with this list with respect to all your relationships? Anything else is a simple “walk out the door” for you. “I’m sorry, I just don’t like how you’re changing me or not letting me see my family or ...”

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BOOK EXCERPT #8

21 Beliefs Happy Couples Hold

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

What DO happy couples hold to be true and live by? Here’s what I believe in, as well as these happy couples.

1. Communication is key to peace and settling arguments.

2. They live inside their means and try not to overspend.

3. They’re realistic with no delusions or fantasies about life.

4. They share the same values, morals and ethics.

5. They respect each other’s point of view and opinion.

6. They support the decisions they make together and as individuals.

7. They support the importance of having your own life within the relationship.

8. They know happy relationships take work.

9. It’s good for change to occur when it’s voluntarily.

10. They know mistakes happen.

11. Honesty is always the best policy.

12. Forgiveness and communication go hand in hand.

13. They are each other’s best friend, first and forever.

14. They pursue fun together and laugh often.

15. Sex and intimacy are important to a healthy relationship.

16. Putting each other first is a priority.

17. Alone time is allowed and encouraged.

18. Jealousy, envy, grudges, bitterness, and other ill emotions are non-existent.

19. They are the first person they should go to with any problems or need for discussion on anything before going to anyone on the outside.

20. While they might seek consultation outside their relationship for problems they may be experiencing, the final say will come from them, deciding together, what is best for them, as a unit.

21. Trust is something they work on daily, and grows stronger each and every day.

BONUS : They listen to each other with a loving intensity so they can hear every word when the other person is talking. No interruptions, no ending each other’s sentences, that is unless they’re at the end of the discussion and it’s just a natural, fun thing to stumble upon. Otherwise, listening (more than talking) helps bring all arguments, disagreements or misunderstandings into harmony, peace, and happy conclusions. I know for me, listening more does exactly what I describe.

Wow, you can just imagine with a list of beliefs like this, how could a couple ever stray, feel marginalized or feel betrayed within the unit of love they seek to create together? Exactly. Preparing yourself for how happy couples remain happy throughout their relationship helps you find that special someone who also shares these same beliefs.

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BOOK EXCERPT #9

You Will Improve Your Likeability (To Attract The ONE) If You ...

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Strive to be all these for yourself, others and the ONE for you:

· Avoid gossip and nasty grapevine circles whenever possible ...

· Be confident and not arrogant ...

· Be drama-free and avoid drama whenever possible ...

· Be generous, but don’t be taken advantage of ...

· Be kind, polite and sincere in everything you do ...

· Be patient as good things come to those who wait ...

· Be there for people when others won’t / can’t ...

· Be witty, humorous and be fun to be around ...

· Don’t assume you know everything about a situation ...

· Don’t judge or be judgmental ...

· Don’t come across as a know-it-all ...

· Don’t hold grudges or anger inside ...

· Don’t jump to conclusions ...

· Don’t scream or yell ...

· Don’t talk (bad) about your ex ...

· Don’t talk without allowing others a chance to get a word in edgewise. No one likes a run-on mouth piece or a one-way conversationalist. Stop, breathe, and allow people to respond.

· Don’t talk about your past negative experiences ...

· Give people compliments and praise ...

· Go the extra mile in virtually everything you do ...

· Keep an eye out for others in need ...

· Keep people’s stories / personal business private ...

· Keep your word / promises ...

· Lend a hand when you’re not asked ...

· Listen with intent and real interest ...

· Make people feel good every day ...

· Make people smile every day ...

· Mind your own business ...

· Notice the good things about people ...

· See the bright side of situations ...

· See the good in people ...

· Talk less, listen more ...

· Walk your talk; be the example ...

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BOOK EXCERPT #10

Any Kind Of Abuse Is Cause For An IMMEDIATE Exit! No Hesitation!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

• Physical abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Mental abuse

• Verbal abuse

• Substance abuse

• Violent tendencies

Just one of these would be an immediate deal breaker in my book. In fact, I once dated a woman who asked me, “Why did you break up with me?” I told her I didn’t like her mood swings. She got upset and threw a book across the room breaking a vase upon impact. “That’s why I broke up with you ...” and I walked out the door. Tip of the iceberg, folks. What you see on the surface masks something much deeper, always. And? We’re not paid (or qualified) to be a therapist, counselor, parent, pastor, mentor, whatever! So? Bye! SEE YA! Don’t wanna be with ya!

Would you ever buy a product from the store and keep it if you brought it home and it had even the slightest defects? No way! You would return it and get something that was already working right out of the box. The same goes for messed up people with mental/emotional issues you don’t have time or the expertise to fix. Having trouble letting go? Either way you’re going to feel the pain of staying or leaving. You might as well make the decision that BENEFITS YOU 100% ... and LEAVE!

Is it natural to give excuses or to think it’s your fault or that you can fix every situation? Natural to feel those things? Yes. Your fault? No. Can you fix the situation? Most likely NOT. What’s left? LEAVE. Period. Do let the door hit you on the way out as a reminder why you left. That’s confirmation.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, to any degree, even if he/she hits you only once (for example), get out and suggest mental health services. Don’t let their abuse be a secret to anyone. Expose them and encourage them to get help. They say, what lies in the dark can destroy us, so let it be brought into the light. Remember, if there is a first time (for abuse to occur) it won’t be the last. The only way to make it the last time is to leave.

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BOOK EXCERPT #11

Last Minute Reminders Before You Start Looking For The ONE For You

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

· What happened in the past stays in the past, where old relationships are concerned. Those days are long gone or soon will be. Today starts a new chapter in your life. Tend to any wounds, mend any broken hearts, forgive yourself and others, and move on! What the future holds for you, where love is concerned, is based solely on how you face today. With a fresh new outlook, beaming optimism, a burning desire to love someone (and be loved), matched with a new “bring love on” attitude so you can proudly say to yourself, “The one for me is out there. It’s just a matter of time before I run into him/her and he/she will be all mine!”

· Be happy you’re free and ready to find the ONE for you! Be positive, optimistic, excited, thrilled and pumped to find love and someone to love you just the same! Don’t be a downer. Don’t be pessimistic. Don’t be negative in tone, thoughts or words. I’ve seen these attitudes turn guys (and gals) away fast. “You know, every time I talk with you, you seem down or I have to cheer you up. What gives?” Better yet, “Good luck with that. Bye!” Stay positive, smile, laugh; life is good; life is what you make it. Make it GREAT! Leave behind any/all negative thoughts in order to allow for someone new to walk into your life.

· Be ready! Any minute the ONE for you could appear out of nowhere. Believe wholeheartedly that the ONE does exist. He/she is out there! Just knowing that should make you smile. Are you ready? Are you prepared? How do you walk, talk, dress. Are you keeping yourself in shape, eating right, staying organized, getting your financial matters in order, letting go of the past, settling matters of the heart, letting go, making room for the new guy/gal who is about to enter your life, getting out there, etc. By putting out all that energy, someone (the ONE) is bound to notice. The universe is prepared to stop for you to let him/her in.

· Don’t be a non-stop talk-aholic who doesn’t take a breath when speaking. If you’re with someone, give them time to respond to what you are saying. I’ve seen both sexes drive their potential mate (or current one) right out the door because they wouldn’t stop talking long enough to let the other person comment. The conversation was so one-sided, the other person felt excluded and nonessential. The conversation was all about that other person. Well, if that’s how you feel then you should let them be ... alone. BYE!

· No more drama. Don’t be the one to create drama. Live life drama-free. Enough said. NO DRAMA!

· Enjoy your own company and be your own best friend. Be the kind of person you want to attract into your life.

· Improve yourself first before attempting to attract better prospects for dating. For starters, that’s what this book is all about. Read it cover to cover to help increase your odds of attracting, filtering, spotting, and catching the ONE for you. Once you feel absolutely over-the-top and great about yourself, your dating prospects catch up, want to meet you, be with you, and eventually stick with you ... forever!

· Just because certain family members, past relationships, or even your parents had toxic relationships, it doesn’t mean yours has to be. You set the course and steer your own ship of love and romance. Your relationship with the ONE for you is what you both make of it; two new people with their own ambitions to start a life together. Someone else might blow it. Well, don’t let that be you.

· Ladies, if you want to be a wife and a mom and long for the security of being in a solid family unit, then adhere to everything in this book. Take things slowly, respect your body, consider your age, your health, the time it takes to have/raise children, and the memories you’d like to enjoy parenting them. Start working towards that sooner than later. When women reach a certain age, the prospects for men start to get smaller. One-third are already married, another 33 percent are divorced and not looking to marry so soon, while the remaining third may still be playing the field. Not good odds. The same goes for men. As men age, the ability to achieve certain milestones in life (as a husband/father) become different versus you were younger (in your 20’s/30’s). Internally, we all need to weigh the facts and realities of our decisions looking into the future. How old do you want to be when your kids graduate high school? Do the math and chart your course wisely for finding the ONE.

· Simplify your life. Clean house. Put your affairs in order. Don’t think someone will save you from your (mess). Instead, he/she might just run in the opposite direction. If you need help in certain areas, ask for it from friends, family or seek professional help. Take steps to get up and out. Declutter your life.

· Stand by your principles, morals and ethics. Don’t lower them just to secure the one because you’re desperate to be in a relationship. You never know. This person you think is a lot of fun might land you in jail or who knows? We’ve all heard horror stories of men/women, for example, who jail time (or a felony, but released) because some guy/gal they were in relationships with dabbled in something ILLEGAL.

· Do you need a time-out? If you’ve been dating non-stop for years, why not give yourself a break. Create a little distance between romances and spend a little time reinventing yourself. What do you really want out of life and love?

· Do you have any hobbies? When reinventing yourself, consider these. They’ll make you more attractive to the ONE you’re trying to ... attract!

♦ Learn to play an instrument and master it ...

♦ Read more fiction, non-fiction, history, self-help ...

♦ Meditate, relax and chill out more often ...

♦ Exercise, get a massage, treat yourself to a spa often ...

♦ Learn a new language, skill or trade ...

♦ Go back to school for a new degree or to complete one ...

♦ Take a class, attend a workshop, seminar or retreat ...

♦ Write a book, blog, or journal ...

♦ Travel, see new places, visit foreign lands ...

♦ Learn to cook new and exotic dishes ...

♦ Try something you’ve absolutely never tried before and be surprised at who you meet ...

· For those whose childhood’s weren’t perfect, guess what, those days are OVER! You’re an adult now. Don’t forget that inner child in you or forget how to PLAY, HAVE FUN, SMILE, LAUGH, STAY OUT LATE, PARTY ALL NIGHT, SLEEP IN, DO YOUR OWN THING, etc. See how life just gets better?

· There are two types of love to watch out for: (1) Romantic love: Which endures a lifetime if you’re one of the lucky ones to have found it (which you will be). (2) Passionate/obsessive love/lust: Which can quickly fade after the initial startup of a relationship.

· Listen to your heart versus your mind! Learn to trust your instincts and lead with your intuition. Listen to the little voice in your heart that says, “I’m not feeling so comfortable with this one ... Move on!” Or, “This one has potential ... stick close!”

· Be observant as to how you talk to yourself when you start getting close to someone and possibly start making a commitment. Do you always talk yourself out of good things when they happen to you? If you sense something is not right, get out right away. Don’t be a doubter because it’s a pattern you’re not aware of. Are you talking yourself into a relationship or out of it. Give your dating prospects a chance. If you have to persuade yourself in a relationship, then it’s probably not right for you. Don’t let fear or past experiences get in the way of discovering a perfect fit with the ONE you’re starting to hang out with on a regular basis.

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BOOK EXCERPT #12

What Are The Steps For Meeting The One For You?

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Take 1-3 months to prepare yourself (offline) for getting out there.

1. Read this book and my other relationship books cover to cover, and/or listen to the audio versions of them. Let the information sink in so you’re ready to go out into the world looking for the ONE and, not only prepared and ready, but you’re armed and eager to find the ONE with laser focus. Oh, you’ll have fun too, don’t worry.

2. Lose weight, trim up, get healthy, get your hair cut and/or styled, buy some new clothes/shoes, clean your house/car, etc. You know what needs to be done.

3. You’re doing all these things because you’re going to be seeing a lot of new people IN PUBLIC and you want to look your best. Right? Absolutely.

4. Be thinking about creating (or updating) your profile on your prefered dating website(s).

5. Spend a week or two building your perfect profile. Take your time and do put TIME into it. It’ll pay off. I will say this, “Hard writing makes for easy reading.” So, while you’re writing, take a break from it and even get someone else’s opinion on what you are writing before you finalize it.

6. Read other profiles to give ideas for your profile. Take note of the way they express themselves, words they use to describe themselves and who they’re looking for, different types of photographs they uploaded into their profile, etc.

7. By comparing profiles, you’ll get tons of ideas on how to create the perfect one for you.

8. Before you post it, ask someone to proof it before you go live. Look for obvious mistakes, reword certain things, consolidate your thoughts, and make your profile description have punch and project your enthusiasm for meeting someone new, etc.

9. Spend a few hours a week combing profiles looking for your ideal match. Make note of them. You won’t contact them all at once, but you don’t want to forget those that appealed to you during the initial quest to contact people.

10. Contact 3-5 people per week and no more. You want to practice, learn and observe how you communicate with a few prospects before you start communicating with several others. Walk before you run, so to speak.

11. How’s it going? Has anyone responded to your knocking on their profile door? Are members contacting you on their own because they read and liked your profile?

12. Respond to those you are interested in. Keep the dialogue going online until, via messaging, until you both realize a possible meeting in person might be a logical next move.

13. Meet in person, somewhere neutral/public, and since this is your first date with them, take no chances. Let your friends know where you’ll be going (i.e., location, restaurant name, address and all) for your own security. If desired, have a friend go to the place in advance or while you are there to sit across the room. Ladies, especially, this is a good tactic and you know why. Guys, it’s different, but you could have one of your buds do the same. After your meeting, your friend is right there to ask how it all went. Pretty cool idea, right?

14. You could also just ask one of your friends to call you during your date. You might say, “Let me see who this is … Oh, I can call them later.” (That move just showed your date that he/she is a priority. Nice!) “Let me just text them everything’s going well and I’ll call them later. Go on with your story … I’m fascinated!” Or, if you’re bored, you might text your friend with an SOS and suggest he/she call you with an emergency... or you can just do the better thing and kindly say, “You know, I don’t think we are meant to date, but it was nice meeting you. Thank you for agreeing to meet me. I wish you well.” Honesty is always the best policy.

15. At the end of this first date, if you see potential in meeting again, one of you can pop the “Wanna go on a second date?” question, “So, how was this for you? Did you enjoy our meeting? Want to meet again?”

16. “YES, I’d love to. What do you have in mind?”

17. Or, “NO, I really appreciate your taking the time to meet me. I think you have a lot of great qualities and I don’t even know you. I feel we just didn’t click or make a connection.” … So, as BART SAYS, that’s okay! It’s best to be up front and direct so you can get back to finding someone better suited whose personality sparks! Would you agree?

18. Based on #8’s answer, you’re either excited about your potential second date or you’re more interested to go back online to find a new date for next week.

19. That’s actually a good question to ask. How many dates should you go on in order to find someone to date, go semi-steady? As many as it takes. One date? Two? Ten? Who knows? Who cares? You’re having fun and meeting a lot of great people. Never think the first person you meet online or assume one is going to turn out to be the ONE. Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. In fact, hope they’re not the ONE so you can just have fun getting out there for the first time in awhile. If you have chemistry with someone, hey, great! If not, don’t worry. It will happen. That said, you can continue to look, the hopeless romantic you are, while protecting your heart (and body), your head on straight, and your eyes and ears open to hearing, “Yes, I’d love to see you again. When can we meet?”

Always, take everything one step at a time. Never rush into something, but enjoy the journey. It will be just as exciting as meeting the ONE for you and arriving at that final destination where you fall in love and live your life happily ever after. When searching for the ONE for you, all things are possible.

Okay, that was a pretty good primer on PREPARING to FIND the ONE for you, wouldn’t you say? Now, let’s get to the fun part. You know, the part where you actually start LOOKING for the ONE for YOU! C’mon ...

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BOOK EXCERPT #13

Watch Out For These Realities When Interacting With Other People In The Dating World

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. People can and do lie, exaggerate and inflate whatever they need to do or say in order to get what, where, and who they want in life. So, as I say in B.S. The Book “Trust no one, suspect everyone!” This approach will help you throughout your life anyway, no matter who you deal with. So, keep that in mind. Many people have said to me, “I love that expression and I live by it, Bart. It really helps me navigate this crazy world!” Now, that’s not to say you can grow to trust someone. Initially, it’s important that you are always on your guard when starting new relationships.

2. Where’s their phone (and yours too) when you go out together? Is it left in the car or trunk for security where it should be? That is, are either one of you taking calls and texting a lot when you’re out? Are they doing it? I guess you’re not that much of a priority to them because I like to give the people (or special someone) I’m spending time with my undivided attention. I prefer to leave my phone in the car or even at home, sometimes. Really, do we need to have these tele-human-leashes on us at all times? Try ditching yours and encourage others to ditch theirs too so you can be wherever (and with whom) without interruptions.

3. Forget texting, call them! Don’t settle for texting to get to know someone. Call them and note if, when and how often, they call YOU. Social media? Log off and call them. Zoom ‘em!

4. All he/she wants is sex, a hook-up, casual encounter, booty call or just a friend with benefits. Is that what you want? Do you want more? If so, you know RELATIONSHIPS generally lead to sex, right? Sex is the easy part. Undress, jump in bed and you know what happens next. The RELATIONSHIP part is a little harder to develop because it takes more time (e.g., weeks/months/years). Choose what you want most? A relationship or SEX? If it’s JUST sex, then be honest and up front with what you want or at least ask the person you’re interacting with what their expectations are. If it’s a relationship, sex can wait. Why? Because, sex is BETTER in a RELATIONSHIP! Sure, some say, “But that guy just really got me off, unlike my past boyfriend ever did.” Maybe true, but like a house investment or a bank account, the more you invest in something, the more you’ll get out of it. Go for the relationship.

5. Are you an item yet? Boyfriend/girlfriend/dating? When you’ve spent enough time with someone you’d like to commit to, are they equally committed to you too? Are they happy and open to calling you their boyfriend/girlfriend? If not, why not! I’d give these types of people just a short time to get their head straight. Otherwise, if someone else comes along and they wind up in their bed the night before your next date, it wasn’t like you were committed to each other. You were just friends. What do you want? A friend? Or more? Watch out for the kinds of people you are dating.

6. Disappointments, displeasure, and down in the dumps you might be with some people you meet. Just know that and don’t let it get you ... down! Instead, be up and know it wasn’t meant to be. Then, MOVE ON!

7. Everyone has options to stay or leave a relationship if it’s not serving them. You have those same options. Put your best foot forward, invest in your relationship and see how it goes. Maybe another opportunity comes along for you? Don’t be upset if the other person leaves for someone else. Again, if it were meant to be, it would BE! Instead, what can you learn from each encounter? What can you learn?

8. People are who they are. So, don’t waste your precious time trying to change them. Do any of their mannerisms, actions, sounds, tones, or habits rub you the wrong way? You’ll have to live with that if you choose to spend more time with them. Take note and do what you feel is right in your gut.

9. If someone talks about someone else they’re dating, about how many people they’re dating or that they wish to remain open to dating other people while they’re seeing you, ... it’s your call, but you might want to run. At least, leave with dignity. The best person to date is usually someone active in the dating world (i.e., someone who is sought after by other people looking to date them), but is also holding a special place in their life for someone like you to fill it. Imagine, “Wow, I really like you. I’m so excited to call the other five girls/guys I’ve been dating to tell them you’re the one or at least start brushing them off.” Right? NO. If they have room in their life for you, that’s a good sign. They have the patience and other fine qualities you want in someone you hope to be intimate with in time.

10. Some people talk about topics you just don’t want to hear about: exes, drama, gossip, negativity, you name it. As I say in B.S. The Book, “I’m not paid to be your therapist.” That means, “You have issues that I don’t have time to hear, let alone deal with. So, bye ...” Well, it doesn’t have to be that harsh, but you get the idea. If this new date of yours has issues, run. Someone with a better head on his/her shoulders is waiting for you.

(THERE ARE 5 MORE REALITIES IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #14

10 Signs You Have The Kind Of Personality That Turns Someone Off/Away From You

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. You don’t listen, but, instead, talk over people or interrupt them repeatedly while they’re trying to get their point across. Stop it or plan on being alone.

2. You’re negative and complain a lot. Try to be a little more positive. No one’s going to want to hang out with that type of person or at least for very long.

3. You attract trouble/problems in your life. After a few weeks, months, years of this type of behavior/existence, that ONE beside you just might not want to put up with how you attract trouble into your life and into his/hers.

4. You’re too confident, independent and show signs that you really don’t need anyone to help you, take care of you, be with you. “You didn’t appear to be someone who wanted someone in your life, you had so much going on ...”

5. You’re too focused on helping other people. While a good trait to have, if you don’t dedicate some of that time and energy towards spending time and/or taking care of the ONE you want in your life, that ONE won’t stick around long. You get back what you put into any relationship. There’s only so much time in the day. So, spend it wisely. This goes for kids too. Many fathers say, “Since we had kids, I never see my wife or get the attention/affection I used to get.” There’s a good message in those words.

6. You’re not patient enough or understanding of someone else’s situation. Instead, you’re quick to judge, react, or respond in ways that wind up turning people off instead of in ... to you!

7. You’re too tight with your money. I’m all for conservative spending and saving, but being a tightwad with your cash or spending it, especially when you have it, can turn the ONE you want in your life off. “I don’t expect you to pay for the most expensive bottle of champagne when we go out to dinner, but I also don’t expect to be paying for everything. After the bills, if I spend all my money on you, I don’t have money for savings, hobbies or whatever.” Hey, if you want to pay for everything, or the other ONE you’re with doesn’t mind paying for everything, that’s okay.

8. Are you boring? Is your conversation mundane? Do you talk about nothing? Some people don’t really have much to say or don’t know what to say. So, what happens? The other person feels like they’re talking to a wall. So? Catch up on current events, engage yourself in the world and what’s going on. Read magazines and books. Pick any topic. Enrich your mind and conversations to enrich your love life.

9. Bad hygiene. Do you shower often or need to more than once a day? Do you brush your teeth? Rinse with mouthwash? Eat well? Watch your weight? Bad hygiene is something no one likes.

10. Are you messy? Some men and women don’t know it, but they live like pigs. Their homes/apartments are a mess, bathrooms are unsanitary, dishes are piled high everywhere, the carpet looks like it hasn’t been vacuumed in years, the fridge has food in it that is growing Penicillin, their place smells stale or unclean, and there’s evidence of dust everywhere. Oh, the car is a mess too with fast food boxes and dog hair. Ah, but they dress impeccably when they go out! Seriously, you get 0 out of 5 stars when it comes to ratings. Need help? Hire a maid to help you with this personality defect. You hire someone who obviously cleans better than you. If you can’t afford professional help, you’d better learn and fast.

Housekeeping services usually have the supplies, refined skills and tools many don’t have to clean house, but you get the idea. It takes seconds to toss dirty clothes into a hamper or dishes into the dishwasher. Do what you can to keep a clean and tidy house. The person you invite over might not want to come over again ... or never want to get involved because of your bad habits.

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BOOK EXCERPT #15

20 Clues That Someone Is Just Not Interested In You (Anymore or At All)

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. Ask yourself, who calls or text messages more? You or the person you’re interested in and want to be with?

2. Who takes longer to respond or get back to you and how long do they take? Hours, days, weeks, ... months?

3. He/she NEVER responds back, at least in a timely manner.

4. He/she replies too busy several times and you’re not taking the hint.

5. You initiate all the communication. He/she never reach out to you.

6. He/she may contact you, in response to your message, but only via text/email/online communication and it’s only because the person is being kind.

7. He/she is so busy, there’s no time to be in a relationship.

8. He/she talks to you as if talking to friends without any indication, hints, or obvious messages that communicate he/she is interested in you.

9. He/she keeps coming up with excuses again and again not to get together.

10. He/she is not really interested or curious about your life, future plans and avoids talking about these when you bring them up.

11. They say they like you, but not in “that” way (the you want them to).

12. He/she is not around you and doesn’t make an effort to spend time with you.

13. He/she has no problem telling you about the people they would like to date. Obviously, you might not be ONE, but asks you if you can recommend someone else of interest.

14. Body language says a lot. He/she keeps a distance between you, never touches you, and doesn’t make any effort to act in a way that demonstrates interest in you.

15. He/she disappears for periods of time and doesn’t tell you about it; too mysterious for you.

(THERE ARE 5 MORE CLUES IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #16

What To Do & Think When Someone’s NOT Interested In You

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. Embrace and celebrate the person’s absence and lack of communication. Save that time for someone more worthy for you.

2. Don’t work too hard. If you have to spend your time going after someone who’s not interested, then you’re doing it all wrong.

3. Go after people who respond to you quickly and with open interest in wanting to get to know you.

4. Sure, contact them once, twice and make the third time your last effort. By NOT contacting them afterwards, they might (a) appreciate you not bugging them every day and actually respond back to you when they have time. People are busy today more than ever; they need their space. If there is no communication, that should be your cue to move on to someone who will appreciate you.

5. How much time should you allow for a response? First contact: 1-3 days. Second contact: 3-5 more days. Third contact: 1-2 weeks. Thereafter, forget about it. Move on. Let them eventually get back to you if they ever do. In the meantime, you’re already contacting new people. This is where the “number’s game” tactic can serve you.

6. Can you check in again with that person? Sure, how about six months from now, or a year. Not a day sooner or you may be viewed as a pest, stalker, nuisance, or even bitter. That’s not who you want to pour your heart out to. Go where you’re valued. Period.

7. Again, you should be busy finding new prospects to meet and get to know. By getting busy meeting and talking to other people, the other person you wanted to meet might find out you’re busy making new connections. That might encourage the person to reach out to you. No one wants to be approached by a nobody who knows no one. People like meeting people who are active and liked/wanted by other people, etc. Are you that type of person? If so, great. If not, then get busy meeting new people.

(THERE ARE 3 MORE "WHAT TO DOS" IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #17

Dating 101 – Do It Right! Five (5) Very Simple Steps To Follow

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

This little example is for those who might have just a little bit more anxiety when it comes to dating. First, journal on paper, all your fears, anxieties, past (negative) experiences, things that ever got in your way, things that we will want to wipe out through replacing old habits and negative patterns of thinking with new positive producing patterns of thinking.

1. First-Impressions: Evaluate your image/physical/clothing (externals/evaluate them and fix them!) What’s OUTSIDE is your FIRST CONTACT with the WORLD without even opening your mouth! What messages are you sending the world: how you look, how you stand, how you sit, how you walk, how you compose your physical self ...

2. Social Communication Skills, Manners and Etiquette: What are you saying? What are you NOT saying? How much are you listening and NOT listening to the other person? How are you manners? Are you a gentleman (or a lady) in when meeting a stranger and potential soul mate? How is your tonality and voice projected? What choice of words do you use? Be selective, always.

3. Pace/Patience/Taking Your Time: No matter how well you get along or not, pace yourself, go slow, be patient, take your time getting to know this person. You don’t know who they are. So, protect yourself, physically, financially, emotionally, etc. ONLY AFTER GETTING TO KNOW THIS PERSON on a few dates or more will it be time for ...

4. Intimate Communication: When communicating with your date on an up-close and personal, one-on-one level communication skills are a must. Use calm and soothing tones in your voice and pace your speech just the same. Take it slow, enjoy the process of communicating with your date at this and any level. Mentally stimulate your date’s mind and curiosity with imaginative thoughts and ideas of story-telling adventures (involving the two of you). Slowly, eventually, stimulate your date physically with all kinds of foreplay. Don’t rush into things, enjoy the process. And, remember, you’re not there to find a conversation-buddy or someone to study with. Well, maybe you are! If the truth were told, you’re really there to find someone you can connect with on an intimate level and perhaps, be your soul mate for life.

5. Intimate Relations: Ah, but too soon does the moment come when the two of you just can’t keep your hands off of each other. I think that’s called ... passion. Yep! Gosh, how does one behave during the heat of passion? What do you do?/don’t do? What are the rules! Better yet, what are the LAWS! In my book, Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom, I go into sensual detail as to what those rules, I mean laws, are when it comes to intimacy and pleasing a woman in ways she deserves to be pleased like never before.

You should become intellectually and emotionally intimate before you become physically intimate.

If I were to share some of what’s inside that book (for mature audiences only), I would have to say (to the men), “Men, she comes first when it comes to pleasing her and receiving pleasure (every time) before you receive yours! That’s the LAW!” You see, I believe it is important that we men have our priorities straight when it comes to intimacy and pleasing a woman. She comes first in everything we do. She comes first, in our heart, in our mind, in our soul, in our life and ... in our bed. It’s just that simple.

What are the rewards for doing so? They’re incredible for both of you. Men need to allow a woman’s body time to warm up. You’ll also want to introduce things to her that maybe she’s never experienced before, but would like to experience with you. Then, always ask her how she’s doing, “Do you like this?” “How does this feel?” “What else would you like, honey?” Ask and serve. In the end, she will be so overwhelmed with love and joy because of the way you’re treating her that she too will go above and beyond what she normally would do just to please you and in exactly the way you’d like to be pleased in kind. See how that works? Yeah, I thought so. Pretty incredible stuff and it works every time!

Above all, take your time and truly enjoy yourselves. You’re with someone you care about. Show it. Prove it. Lead her into her wildest dreams. Take her on a physical journey into a spiritual valley of roses wet with her own body fluids pumping like she’s never experienced before in her life!

And, after pleasing her for quite a while, and just before she’s about to explode inside because you’ve taken so much time to warm her body up ... she’s sure to grab, not so much ask, for you to follow through NOW! With your magic love-making skills inside, slowly or perhaps with a little acceleration and excitement and well ... I think you know what I’m talking about.

We covered a lot in that last section on, well, “you know what.” Did you pick up any new ideas? I’m sure you did. What do you say we move on? If you would like more information about my other book, Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom.

One final note on the subject of intimacy .. no napping, sleeping, getting up or watching television, reading the newspaper or doing anything on your phone right after an intimate session of love-making ... Snuggle, cuddle, massage each other, pillow talk, spoon with one another, do anything (together) before the both of you get up and do anything else and/or nap together. That’s the LAW!

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BOOK EXCERPT #18

1ST IMPRESSIONS: Things MEN Notice When Meeting A WOMAN For The First Time

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. DRESS A LIL’ SEXY, MODEST A BIT, YET COMFORTABLE: Sex sells, yes, but we don’t need you dressed up like some swimsuit model or street sex worker showing off all your skin to attract us. (i.e., leave the hooker dresses at home) Men find women more approachable and mysterious if they’re dressed not too sexy, but modest, stylish and yet comfortable. This makes them more open to conversation versus attempting to have an uninviting casual conversation leading to????? When a woman is relaxed, men are relaxed, and it is much easier to carry on a conversation without being distracted by what you’re not covering!

2. WALK UP & START TALKING TO US (Men): Men love it when women take the initiative to walk up to them and kick start a conversation. Why? Because you have the power. Yes, you do, ladies. That is, if you walked up to a man, we’d immediately acknowledge you making the effort, so, we’d stop what we are doing to hear what you had to say. Many men are afraid to approach a woman based on past experiences or just how some women are today (nasty and rude). As a result, nice guys miss out on meeting nice girls because they’re afraid that a nice looking girl is a mean girl. So, ladies? You know what to do. If you see a guy you like, approach him and be the first to strike up a conversation. He’ll appreciate it. You never know how it’ll turn out.

3. DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER: Just like women don’t want to be judged for their physical appearance only, looks aren’t everything with guys, too. People can lose weight and tone up anytime. It’s one’s personality traits and what they bring to the table of love in the relationship that counts most. Get to know the man in front of you first, and, if after a few minutes of conversation he doesn’t impress you, you’re free to leave if you don’t make a connection.

4. SAY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND: No games (men hate male/female head games). Speak your mind (men can’t and don’t read minds, either -- can you?), and no subtle hints (men don’t have the radar to pick those things up). So, speak your mind.

5. SHARED INTERESTS: If you can find similar interests in your first conversation with a man, your chances of a second date are looking great.

6. YOUR VOICE / TONE: Is it average, normal, smooth, sexy, easy to listen to, high-pitched, fast-pitched, crazy loud and/or obnoxious? Just like you would love it if a man used his inside voice when talking to you and spoke in smooth loving tones when he called your name, it’s the same for guys. You can easily take your voice down a notch or two by (you) relaxing, taking things in stride and thinking about the tone you’re speaking with. Men love women who speak in soft, smooth tones. Those who practice voices for radio, TV and voice-over consciously practice speaking in such tones until their voices naturally inflect tones they want to achieve. I met a lady once whose voice was so obnoxious, it was hard to listen to for even a minute. Her tone was offensive although that was her normal range. The message here? Ladies, if this applies, speak slower, in softer tones and men will be all ears to hear every word that comes out of your mouth.

7. YOUR LAUGH: When you make a man laugh, you show him you’re fun to be with, not too serious, and like to have a good time. Laughter helps make his heart grow fonder for you.

8. YOUR SCENT: The female scent is one of the most stimulating smells a man could ever love about you. Why? Because he doesn’t smell like that and loves how you smell like heaven compared to everything else around. Even the smell of BBQ. I’M KIDDING! Seriously, men love the scent of a woman, so, ladies, wear a hint of perfume if you like and when it rubs against him, he can take it home with him on his clothing as a pleasant reminder of you.

9. HIGH HEELS: While men love how women look in heels, they don’t know beans about what shoes goes with what outfit. That said, you probably look good no matter what kind of shoes you’re wearing provided they are clean and reasonably in style. What men might pick up on easily is if you’re in pain from wearing heels for hours on end, and, if you are, they’d rather you wear more comfortable shoes so you could spend your energy talking to him and less on your sore feet.

(THERE ARE 9 MORE THINGS MEN NOTICE IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #19

1ST IMPRESSIONS: 22 Things WOMEN Notice When Meeting A MAN For The First Time

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Guys, listen up. Be sure not to blow that first impression with the lady you’re about to meet. Pay attention. As soon as you say, “Hello”, they’re judging everything about you if you’re someone they’re interested in and more.

1. SHOES: Shoes make the man. Invest in a couple of pairs of good shoes so that when you go out on your first date, and those thereafter, you look sharp. Women notice the shoes you wear and size you up quickly based on the shine of your shoes (or lack of). So, make the right impression.

2. GREETING: Smile, look them in the eye (not past them, or up and down), shake her hand, and say, “Hi, great to meet you (mention their name). Thanks for taking the time to meet up.”

3. HANDS: How are they? Well kept, dry/scaly, clammy or worse? You’re touching the hand of a woman. Be sure your hands are soft (use moisturizer), clean, warm and not wet.

4. EYE CONTACT: I said it earlier, but looking someone in the eye is so important, especially your date. No wandering eyes. Fixed forward, on her, got it? No looking her up and down. Trust me. She doesn’t like it. She’ll be watching to see where your eyes go if a pretty girl walks by. One look (at a pretty girl) out of 10 who walk by is acceptable, but not every woman that passes.

5. WHAT YOU WEAR: Some women won’t even talk to you if you’re not dressed well. That is, you don’t have to wear a tux on your first date, but don’t look as if you’ve been working in the garage. How you look and what you wear says a lot about you. Show that you took some time to look good for her. How would you rate yourself when it comes to shopping for good looking clothes? If you need help, ask for it. First, start window shopping at all the stores that carry fashionable clothing for men. Try on some different clothing styles on and even if you don’t plan to buy at the moment, ask the clerks fashion advice or better yet take along a valued female friend when shopping for clothes. She can spot things your eyes will never see. She’ll say, “Here, try this and when you surface, she’ll be honest with you.” Don’t forget to take her to lunch and show your appreciation or send flowers. She just saved you a lot of time and money. Women are shrewd shoppers.

6. GOT YOURSELF ALL TOGETHER? Most men are average looking, but put a great looking suit, jacket, shirt or pair of pants on him and a smart pair of shoes and all that average goes right out the window. What’s that line? “Every woman loves a sharp dressed man!” Well dressed, hair combed/styled, shoes polished, everything else looking right? Do a quick once-over in the mirror before you head out the door. Look yourself over in the mirror from head to toe and side to side, then, say, “YOU, look HOT! Let’s go!” Do the same when you hit the restroom and every couple of hours or so if you’re out on a long date. Keep yourself polished and well groomed all day/night long for her.

7. WATCH IT: Do you have a watch and not something juvenile? Maybe you have a stylish wristband that commemorates a cause you support. Ideally, wear a watch when you are out with her. Watches keep you punctual; phones do not. So when your cell phone runs out of battery, your watch is still ticking. Watches are one way a man can show his sense of style. When shopping, you might pick up a few over time to ensure that you are always ready for anything. The craftsmanship and wearing a watch can show how attentive you are about time and style. Compliments might go something like this, “Wow, nice watch. That looks good on you.”

8. WHAT YOU SAY: Do you speak with an indoor voice or are you boisterous and speak loudly? Women love men who speak in soft, low tones. That type of voice sounds seductive and lures people in. It’s the kind of voice that could offer a nice whisper to her in a public place or be used for healthy pillow talk later in the relationship. Do you use good grammar and enunciate your words correctly? Reading aloud can help with this. Plus, reading in general, can help advance a person’s vocabulary and conversation. Aspire to read a book a month, either paperback, eBook, etc. It’s amazing how much one can learn from just reading.

9. YOUR HAIR: Is it well groomed, clean, and styled? If not, why not? Outdated hairstyles are not okay, but then some ladies really don’t like the buns and ponytails that some guys sport. If you are wearing the same style you had in high school or college, maybe it’s time for a change. Take the time to visit a salon and talk to a professional stylist. Have her show you a book of men’s hairstyles that might be good for you with your hair type. Once you discover your hairstyle, keep it that way. Don’t keep changing it. Get it cut frequently and invest in some really good shampoos and conditioner to keep your hair healthy. For even healthier hair, consider hair products that stimulate growth and shine. For guys without hair or are premature balding, not to worry. Women love men with and without hair. It’s your smile that makes them smile. It’s your sense of humor that makes them laugh. It’s your tone, approach, and care for them that draws men near to them. Here are two products I’ve tried that I use religiously: BIOTIN (10,000 mg tablets) and NATURE’S HAIR++ (a liquid topical scalp cleaner). By the way, since we’re talking about hair, make sure your EYEBROWS are trimmed and you don’t look as if you’re growing a spider’s web up there. Trim nose hairs and the fuzz in the ears as needed or ask a hairstylist or someone to help you.

10. CLEAN SHAVEN: Women love a smooth, clean shaven man. Beards and mustaches are okay if they’re well kept. Just nothing in between, and/or looking like you’ve been living on the street or can’t afford a razor.

11. TEETH: Clean, cared for with healthy gums and breath too. Invest in getting them cleaned regularly and if you have stained teeth, take advantage of whiteners sold OTC. If you have false teeth, they require proper care as well for your overall health and the well-being of others.

(THERE ARE 11 MORE THINGS WOMEN NOTICE IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #20

What’s The Magic Rule For KISSING On The First Date?

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Hey, unless she does the lip-lock plunge that puts your head in a spin, consider these guidelines. Model what she does and stay a step behind such as, don’t be too aggressive to get a kiss on the first date. We know you want one badly, guys, but hold on there, cowboy. Let her spring it on you first. Of course, create several opportunities for her to pucker up and plant one on you. Keep close, hug, walk/sit/stand closely. You get the idea.

Otherwise, sticking your tongue down her throat on the first date isn’t something she wants, so, control yourself. It’s always best to lead a woman into you by putting out the right vibes, but let her do all the decision making, such as, “I so want to kiss him …” Guys, that’s the place to be in 24/7 with a gal.

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BOOK EXCERPT #21

When’s The Best Time To Get CLOSE To A Woman On The First Date?

Find The One For Me Excerpt Book Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

When she moves towards you and not you towards her. On your first date, and even a few more dates after, stay close, but not too close. That is, unless she starts to move in, that’s your cue that she wants to get close to you, sure. STILL, keep your hands to yourself though and your eyes on her eyes. Keep making her laugh and smile and enjoying the time she’s spending with you. You’re doing great. Just don’t touch her.

The minute she feels (1) safe and (2) she REALLY likes you, (3) she’ll get closer to you. Even then, control yourself. You might feel the urge to climb all over her or get REALLY close, and those are natural feelings. It’s better to keep those feelings at bay to show you’re in total control of your urges. THIS DRAWS HER IN even closer and in a super honest way. It shows that she’s really interested in you. At this point, you can ask her one question, “What do you want?” See if she doesn’t respond with, “a kiss!”

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BOOK EXCERPT #22

LADIES, Tired Of The Hookup Culture? Check Out These TRUTHS To Live By!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. You can help yourself and your fellow sisters put an end to the hookup culture by not participating in it. Just say, “No,” or “Sure, we can hook up. What are you doing NEXT YEAR!” Seriously, men are only acting like animals because you’re not keeping them in their cages obeying your commands.

Damn that sexual revolution and all those bra-burning feminists who say it’s okay to smoke and drink like the boys. Well, now that you have all this freedom, how’s it workin’ for ya?

Statistics show more women (than men) get depressed after a fast one-night fling versus guys. Guys smile, girls frown. Why is that?

2. So what if they call you a prude; many people are. Ask adults and they’ll say that they abstain from having sex to protect their emotions, their hearts, their bodies and their bank accounts! Prude really means, “I’m PReserving my body for someone I love. That’s not rUDE, it’s just my attitUDE.” End of story. Next. Put a man in his place on the spot if he calls you the next day wanting to spend time with you. I bet he will even after you said, “No.” In fact, 90% will. Why? You gave him a challenge he can’t back down on. He wants to know why you won’t sleep with him, if you’ll engage in the conversation. Otherwise, if you caved and went to bed with him that first night, what are the chances he’ll call you the next day? 10%? The surveys are verifiable.

3. What’s done is done if you did it. Not to worry, hopefully. You’re safe, still in good health and not pregnant. Oh, I bet you won’t do that again.

4. Secretly, he feels just as creepy and his guilty conscious) wishes you hadn’t caved to his wants and desires.

5. Don’t look back, look forward. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Learn from this mistake. Grow wiser and sharper.

6. You’re allowed to want more than just a quick fling or one-night stand. You’re allowed to have a relationship. Either follow up or ask the nicest guy at the party who saw what happened. Give him the chance to treat you right, and in front of the dude who did you wrong.

7. If someone calls you for another roll in the hay, you can say, “Hey, hold on …”, and set the phone down for him to listen to dead air while you blow dry your hair. That should send a firm signal not to call you ever again.

8. Just because you had your heart broken doesn’t mean there isn’t a good guy right around the corner ready to pick you up and treat you right. He’s out there.

9. It’s okay to have values, morals and to live your life by them. Tough, if some guy doesn’t get it. He probably doesn’t get a lot of things. Not the kind of guy you want in your life. “Bye!”

10. See your doctor immediately after having sex of any kind with a total stranger (guy or girl). Make sure you’re clean as a whistle and free from any diseases the other person might carry. Who knows who he/she has slept with. You owe yourself that important checkup. Then, get another check up six months later to be sure about the results. How’d you do? Clean bill of health? Great, now, STAY THAT WAY. Don’t have sex with any more strangers. Your life, your health, your body, your future babies are on the line. Don’t throw your life away for any more one night flings.

11. Never let anyone tell you what to do, who to be, or where you want to go in your life. It’s no one’s business except yours. They don’t own you. If they keep giving you problems, just invoice them. Send them a bill for $100 to shut them up. Next time, it’s $500, then $1,000. Seriously. People RUN from people and companies they want to avoid where money is owed.

(THERE ARE 11 MORE TRUTHS IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #23

5 Major Things Guys Need To Know About Hooking Up

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Are you ready? This little section is for guys only. I didn’t want to leave you out of the equation when talking about hooking up and the hookup culture. So, here it is and I’ll cut right to the chase.

I won’t bore you discussing morals and why you shouldn’t hook up and use women’s bodies solely for your pleasure then toss them out like empty beer bottles in tomorrow’s trash. It’s wrong, and if you don’t know it, allow me to shed more light on the dangers involved, specifically, where you’re involved.

Here’s what can happen every time you hook up with a women for casual sex and a one-night stand/encounter:

1. DISEASES — If you don’t have any now, you better get yourself checked out by a doctor immediately and every time you have sex with a total stranger. Some of the girls you hook up with have also slept with other guys and some who are bi-sexual which means they sleep with guys too. This means that their diseases are now potentially your disease, provided the ladies you slept don’t have their own. STD’s ensure you’ll be sick for the rest of your life. Stop hooking up, protect yourself and see a doctor right away. Solution? DON’T HOOK UP!

2. CHILD SUPPORT — Whoops, you just got a call last night from the girl you slept with a month ago. If you’re in college, she knows what classes you have because you used those lines to build rapport with her quickly. With that information, her parents contacted a lawyer who’s now tracking you down for financial support. Say good bye to that college fund. If you already have a career, say goodbye to easily 1/2 of your paycheck (after taxes). Not good. Stop hooking up and save your money. Solution? DON’T HOOK UP!

3. LAWYERS — She has every right to hire a lawyer to sue you for leaving her with financial obligations related to her body, baby and anything else that caused her harm. Can you afford your own lawyer to battle hers? All the cards are stacked in her favor 90% of the time. Solution? DON’T HOOK UP!

4. COURTS — “I hereby sentence you to 90 days in jail for non-support” or worse, “You are sentenced to serve three years jail time, without probation for the following crimes committed ... ... ...” Don’t even go there. Stop hooking up. IF you gave her an STD that you knew you had prior to having sex with her and the courts proved you knew you had it, which they can, you can be prosecuted in criminal court. That means jail time if you’re convicted! You’ve also heard about those secret courts on campuses where young men, accused of raping a woman, aren’t even allowed their own legal representation? HOW UN-AMERICAN! But, talk about being caught with your pants down. You just might get kicked out of school, blacklisted from enrolling in other schools, and maybe even labeled a sexual predator. Solution? DON’T HOOK UP!

5. JAIL — Now, your bank account has been tapped to cover her lawyer’s fees, your paycheck cut in half, you’ve been kicked out of school, and maybe now you might have to serve jail time. Not nice! That’s where you might wind up if you are found guilty of transmitting an STD. You don’t want to go to jail, do you? Solution? DON’T HOOK UP!

DON’T HOOK UP! Keep your hands to yourself and in control of your sexual urge to merge. If you’ve read any part of PART#4: HANGING OUT WITH THE ONE, you’ve learned a thing or two about interacting with a woman on a sexual level. Use your head, above your shoulders. Think with your brain and not your ..., you know what.

OKAY, THAT’S IT. THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY TO THE GUYS ON THE MATTER OF HOOKING UP. HOPE IT HELPS. The ladies out there are all looking for real men to date, go steady with and marry. Are you a real man or a wanna-be jailbird? Don’t answer that. You know the right answer. Keep it to yourself and show her the good man you are. Ladies will want to date you if you’re good to them!

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BOOK EXCERPT #24

50 Red Flags That Might Indicate There’s Trouble In The House Of Love

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

I have a saying, “You don’t know your neighbors until you move into the neighborhood.” Similarly, you never know someone truly until you spend time with him/her.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, if you ever find someone who’s qualities are described below ... don’t walk or talk, but run for your life! These people are NOT worth your time.

Don’t look back. No regrets, save your time, and in some cases, your life. Look up, look around, find the exit and take it! Get outta there!

DON'T IGNORE THESE RED FLAGS :

1. The spark that once was, has fizzled out to the extent you’re no longer eager for his/her texts or calls because you don’t feel the excitement and passion that once was.

2. Communication is becoming next to non-existent. There was a time when you would sit up all night just talking. He/she is becoming distant, even secretive, and you are becoming suspect. You are beginning to lack trust and confidence in your relationship. You’re worried, it’s not growing but slowly coming to a halt.

3. They don’t respond to you on social media. Talk about radio silence. You never hear from him/her and rely on your friends to tell you what your boyfriend/girlfriend is up to. You should never ignore or excuse anything that strikes you as strange or makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t rely on social media for answers. Speak up, reach out, ask, or check out of the relationship.

4. You find yourself experiencing weird silences or creating them. You’re no longer willing to engage in lengthy conversations and only respond when questions are asked. Not good.

5. The relationship has gone down the road now of Boredom Boulevard. There’s nothing new, stimulating, exciting or growing with this relationship.

6. You’re slowly letting your guilty pleasures slip away. You’ve become lazy about your appearance and self-care. Spending time with him/her is no longer satisfying. You don’t aim to impress. Subconsciously, your desire (or lack thereof) to impress him/her has faded and you’re hoping it pushes them away. “Ever since you stopped showering, Susan, I’ve been thinking that we should break up.”

7. They stopped (or never took) photos with you two together. Isn’t it strange? They don’t want any record of the two of you together as a couple. It’s as if they don’t want others to see/know or they don’t want to be reminded of the two of you as a couple.

8. You sense that the honeymoon might be over. You’ve settled into a routine. Boring! Maybe you’re even starting to take each other for granted.

9. You two don’t hug, kiss, cuddle, snuggle or anything else that involves the physical touch any more. Yikes, this is a BIG sign that the relationship is not going very well. You might as well just be friends or neighbors or strangers.

10. You’re obsessively checking online to keep tabs on him/her. You are learning more about what’s going on in your life by spending 10 minutes on his/her Facebook page. Are we becoming paranoid?

11. You no longer look forward to date night because neither one of you is interested in spending time together with each other anymore. Even spending time at home watching your favorite shows or a movie has lost its appeal.

12. One (or both) of you stop doing things for each other, no matter how big or small. It’s as if they don’t exist anymore and you don’t see them making the effort to do little things for you like they used to.

13. The desire to get physical is gone or diminished greatly. You used to look forward to coming home (or going over to their place) and ripping off each other’s clothing in the living room for a little fun before dinner (or after). Now, you feel uncomfortable or anxious about participating or you’re rarely in the mood anymore. Something has changed, and you don’t like it. Intimacy was always a part of your relationship and now it’s gone.

14. You are the only one taking the initiative to make plans. You used to go out, enjoy the company of each other’s friends, and now socializing has become a chore and … a bore. You want out.

15. You’re constantly venting to your friends/family about how unhappy you are. What’s different is that everything about him/her bothers you now and while the saga continues, you are reluctant to talk about it with them. At some point, you’ll have to. It might as well be now or never.

16. You feel like it takes too much effort to address your problems or issues you’re having that are making you unhappy. The small things are piling up and neither one of you is willing to say, “We need to talk.”

17. You both argue more than you should, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Perhaps, the other person starts the arguments or you do because you’re frustrated with how things are going. Well? Time to evaluate your HAPPY METER. Is it high=happy or low=sad / mad / disappointed / discouraged?

18. The other person’s become unreliable or too busy to respond to your calls/texts/messages. Aren’t you a priority in their life? Should you be considering an exit from this relationship at some point?

19. You start daydreaming about being somewhere else and possibly with someone else. Why not, your other half isn’t there to be that someone special you need to add to your life anymore, or at least they’re heading in that direction ... out of the picture, at least as far as your head goes.

20. He/she is vague and avoids confrontation about anything or most things important for you both to discuss.

21. He/she takes you for granted, abuses your time and your support.

22. It feels as if you’ve become more of a distraction to whatever they’re doing that you feel it’s best just not to contact them at all for whatever reason.

23. The one you’re with can’t even muster up the energy to see you face to face to discuss issues that are bothering you.

24. Lies, lies, lies. They lie and/or exaggerate the truth for their own benefit.

25. They never apologize for what they say or do that might hurt you and/or your friends/family.

(THERE ARE 25 MORE RED FLAGS IN THE BOOK)

Wow, that’s some list, eh? Do you see any of these traits in the one you’re with right now? How about those you’ve dated in the past? Well, keep reading. I’ve got more to say about that certain someone in your life not behaving like they should. Near the end of this section, I’ll address issues such as breaking up and how to handle it and how to bounce back with hope and sheer optimism. “One door closes; another one opens,” I always say.

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BOOK EXCERPT #25

Decision Time: Should You Break Up? D-Words That Help You Know When It’s Time The Relationship Might Be Over & A Breakup Is Closer Than You Think

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

D-words that help you know when it’s time the relationship might be over and a breakup is closer than you think. Pay close attention to your significant other to see if they exhibit any of these d-word traits or characteristics:

1. Damaged

2. Dazed

3. Dead

4. Deadbeat

5. Deadweight

6. Debaser

7. Debts

8. Deceitful

9. Defensive

10. Degrading

11. Delusional

12. Demanding

13. Demeaning

14. Demoralizing

15. Denier

16. Denigrating

17. Depressed

18. Depressing

19. Derisive

20. Derogatory

21. Desperate

22. Despicable

23. Despised

24. Despondent

25. Destructive

26. Deteriorating

27. Detestable

28. Detracting

29. Detrimental

30. Devastating

31. Devious

32. Dictator

33. Difficult

34. Dirty

35. Disagrees

36. Disappointing

37. Disavows

38. Discomforting

39. Disconnected

40. Discontent

41. Discouraging

42. Discourteous

43. Diseased

44. Disgusting

45. Dishonest

46. Disillusioned

47. Disinterested

48. Disliked

49. Dismissive

50. Disorderly

51. Disorganized

52. Disparaging

53. Dispirited

54. Displeasing

55. Disquieting

56. Disrespectful

57. Dissatisfying

58. Distorts

59. Distrustful

60. Divisive

61. Doubts

62. Downer

63. Draining

64. Druggie

65. Drunk

66. Dull

What should you do if someone you’re dating is described with any of these D-words? How about ... DUMP him/her!

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BOOK EXCERPT #26

When You’re Unsure If You Should Break Up Or Not, Try Saving The Relationship

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

FIRST, WHO’S BREAKING UP WITH WHOM? Are you wanting to break up with someone or is someone wanting to break up with you? Either way, you can try to save the relationship IF you want to stay in it or prevent the other person from leaving. Consider this approach when it comes to saving a relationship. Reverse this suggestion the other way if you’re the one being dumped ...

Request a formal meeting with the one you’re with to go over what you think are the problems causing you so much unhappiness and discontent in your relationship. Make a list to help you with your talking points or to share with your significant other during this very important meeting. Don’t miss a single item. Write it down, in list or letter form, whatever works for you. Try to keep the list logical (important) and not too emotional (very important). If needed, the other person can walk away with your list to review it for 24-48 hours. Words, when written down, are more powerful than spoken because no one can forget the written word when it’s fright in front of them. Conversations and topics discussed can fade quickly even as soon as one leaves the room. So, for example:

LETTER TO THE ONE YOU WANT TO BREAK UP WITH:

“(Significant Other’s Name), by now, you know I’m not happy with how things are going between us and our relationship. We’ve been going together for ___ months/years now, and with all the happy memories we’ve shared, I’m just not growing in this relationship. I’m not happy. (Give one or two quick examples)

Can you help? Maybe. I hope. Can we turn things around? It’s possible, but only if I see you do ____ or stop ____. I can’t (and won’t) live like this going forward. I deserve better, and I want more; just like I want the same for you.

So, here’s what’s on my mind and, specifically, where you can help me stay with you in this relationship together. If you’re willing to put your whole self into working on these aspects of our relationship, then, yes, I’m open to giving us another try. Otherwise, there’s no point in us going forward.

The writing is already on the wall for me. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas on what I’m sharing with you in this letter. Again, I want to be happy and I want you just as happy.

Specifically, I don’t like it when you ______ or when you ______. These things (really bother me and make me feel sad, etc.) I need for you to ______ (do/stop doing these things).

I know you need time to think about all this and I’m willing to give it to you. I see ninety (90) days as a reasonable amount of time for you to think about things, think about us, and make an effort to help me with what I’m sharing with you in this letter.

I’m hoping for the best. Show me you care about me, about us, and let’s see where we wind up at the top of that 90 day period.

– Your Name”

Letter or no letter, when you express yourself as clearly as you did in this sample scenario above, all your feelings, wishes, desires, hurts and heartfelt requests are right out in the open for the other person to take action in your direction or set him/herself up with their departure orders without question.

Most couples talk about their issues and a discussion or two (with positive follow up action) is all they need. Every situation is different. Your happiness, heart and future are on the line. Be as specific and as clear as you can so you don’t waste time.

You’ve given the other person time to come to you or for you to meet them halfway to try and work things out. Well? Did things work out? Are you happy with their efforts?

You’ve talked to friends/family (if you chose to) for their support and feedback. What did they say? “Break up if you’re not happy, it’s really that simple. Did you give it one last try? Did you discuss things? What do you want to do?” Hopefully, they have enough information about your situation that their suggestions are constructive, objective, and have meaningful value to what you decide.

You spent time apart to think about what you each might lose. How’d that work out? Was it enough? Did you each achieve a better perspective of the gains and losses?

You’ve sought couple’s counseling in the hopes that might work. Did it? Yes? Great. No? Keep trying or plan to pack your bags. You’re on your way out, potentially.

You gave the one (you want to leave) a Season to help fix the relationship to your satisfaction. How long is a season? That depends on how long you’ve been going out, if you’re married, etc. In most cases, when you’ve reached a point in the relationship that you want out, the minimum time to help mend a broken relationship might be 90 days or 90 days for every year you’ve been together. Your call. In that period, you should abstain from certain physical activities, seeing less of them than usual, yet remaining faithful in order for them to get their head on straight about what makes you happy before you decide to jump ship and leave the relationship.

A “90 DAY SEASON” OF EVALUATION LOOKS LIKE THIS:

“FIRST 30 DAYS” = GIVE NOTICE! You’re going to allow the other person to evaluate the future of your relationship over the first 30 days of this 90-day evaluation cycle. This is a reasonable period of time to evaluate their desire to address your concerns.)

NEXT 30 DAYS = TAKE NOTE OF ANY (+/–) ACTION! Time for action, not words. In this next 30-day cycle, you want to see action, and you better. They already had 30 days to think of ways (and make plans) to show you how much they want to stay in the relationship with you. This is the action period. Well? Do you see any changes?)

LAST 30 DAYS = JUDGEMENT TIME ... During the last 30 days of this 90-day cycle, you get to discuss, evaluate and judge what action(s) the other person took to really make you happy. Did they do the right thing(s)? What happened? Any positive action your way? Yes? Great. There’s hope for the two of you. No? Then, you have ample cause, reason, a 90-day track record, the support and evidence you need to show this person really does NOT want to change or make you happy.

At the end of this 90-day cycle you have the confidence you need to walk away without any question or regret. The writing was on the wall, so to speak. You gave him/her 90 days to do something, anything, and they did nothing, let’s say. Then? You’re done. It’s over. They don’t care. “Thanks for making it clear for me to leave. You can’t say I didn’t give you a chance.”

Now, if this were reversed, and YOU were the one who was put on the spot to make amends and put forth the effort to save the relationship, and you didn’t do enough to do so and were given your walking papers at the end of the 90-day cycle, you would have to face the music that you really deserved to be let go. It’s just that simple. It’s not the end of the world. Just the end of this relationship.

You’ve tried everything else that comes to mind and nothing else seemed to work. The relationship has to come to an end.

Surely, after reading the last several pages of this chapter you’ve been tracking the many qualities you DON’T want to see in the ONE you’re dating and/or hope to marry one day. If you are married and reading this book, note the not so admirable qualities in the one you’re with to evaluate a possible (hopefully) mutually agreed on exit strategy for both of you.

If you sense trouble in the house of love, and you tried everything to save your relationship, even the 90-day cycle of evaluation, perhaps one or more of the following 31 FACTORS will help nudge you over the edge and out the door to break up with the person who’s not serving you or your heart in the way you deserve they should be. Check this out ...

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BOOK EXCERPT #27

The Top 31 Signs To Give You Absolute Clarity On Why You Should Break Up!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. You’re just not happy in the relationship and there’s no making you happy based on the action or inaction of the other person during the 90-day cycle of evaluation you gave them. You’ve expressed your wishes, and they were not met to your satisfaction. They tried (or didn’t) and you have your answer as to how they really feel about you. If it’s not good, then, yep, it’s time to break up.

2. You’ve been abused (i.e., physically, verbally, emotionally, and/or mentally), and not just once, but several times, and it doesn’t stop. ONCE is enough, for sure, but if it happens a second time or more ... YOU ARE OUTTA THERE. There’s no room for this kind of treatment towards anyone. You deserve a safe space to live your life, and to find someone who loves you with soft hands, a gentle spirit and a warm heart. What’s more, you’re not paid to be their therapist, let alone, have the time or experience. This person obviously has deep mental and emotional issues. Time to say, “Goodbye,” and leave without saying another word.

3. There’s no growth, forward advancement, or maturing in the relationship. It’s dead as a doornail; going nowhere. So? Time to break up. Move on to more exciting pastures.

4. There’s no passion, excitement, stimulation or fun cravings any more (i.e., physically, mentally or emotionally) to keep you in the relationship. Sorry, time to break up.

5. You’re no longer a priority in the other person’s life. In fact, you’ve been pushed into the backseat. You rarely see them any more. Out of sight, out of mind and out of luck for that person. You’re outta there. Time to break up.

6. You still argue and disagree. Hostility has become an everyday occurrence. Well? “Bye!” Time to break up. I have a rule in relationships, “No arguing.” I had a girlfriend once tell me, “I can never make you mad.” I replied, “That’s right. I don’t like arguing, strife or disagreements. I support you. I’m behind you. I want to listen to you completely before I respond. I want to hear your side and set an example. We’ll always talk it out, no matter how intense the situation or topic might be. It takes seconds to yell and scream. Those memories will last a lifetime on our minds. I’d rather take my time, listen to you, speak in low tones, never to raise my voice, until we’ve come to a conclusion we both agree on. Then, we kiss, make up and go about our day.”

7. Communication is near non-existent. Communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Without it, you don’t have a relationship. You can’t express yourself like you need to be able to and you don’t hear enough from the other person to even qualify your togetherness as a real relationship. You might as well be friends, strangers or forget the person altogether. Yes, it’s time to break up.

8. The bond of trust between you has been broken. Trust is another factor needed in a healthy relationship. No trust, no relationship. “Bye!” Time to break up.

9. Marriage, family, kids, etc. are not in his/her future for a long, long time. What’s your timeline for those things? Sooner than later? Everybody has a body clock that ticks down. So, if the one you’re with keeps postponing what you want in this area, then they’d better act now or be shown their walking papers, sooner than later.

10. Is he/she already talking about seeing other people? Great, let them have their way. He/she’s either 100% yours or 0%. There’s no in between. Time to break up.

11. Are you going through the motions of having a good relationship when there is definitely something wrong, missing or just not there? Then stay friends, nothing more. Part ways for your benefit and his/hers.

12. Are you listening to your heart? What is it telling you to do? Listen closely? Ask and then listen. Not to your head (voice), but your heart. It knows what’s best for you in the long run.

13. Do you realize that you have different interests? This is big! Relationships are designed to support each other. If you can’t, and you’re growing apart, then there’s no use in continuing with a relationship. Say, “goodbye,” and part ways.

14. Do you feel bitter, frustrated, discontent, resentful, and/or trapped in a go-nowhere, dead-end relationship? Then, it’s time to get out. “Bye!”

15. Are you afraid that he/she will never change or stop saying those irritating, negative words (or behaviors) that drive you insane? Time to give him/her an ultimatum. “Change your ways for the better or I’m outta here!”

16. You dislike being in the same room with him/her; a really bad sign so look for the EXIT sign and say, “Goodbye!”

(THERE ARE 15 MORE SIGNS IN THE BOOK)

Can you think of any others? Surely, there are several other factors that might fuel your desire and support your reasons to leave a bad relationship. Let’s hope you spot them, respect them, and act on them swiftly if you can. Your next future relationship is waiting to get started.

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BOOK EXCERPT #28

Yes, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do! So, What’s The Best Way To Break Up?

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. THERE’S NO PERFECT TIME TO BREAK UP A RELATIONSHIP, but timeliness is important because the longer you drag things on, the more difficult it will become.

2. DO IT IN PERSON. Try not to break up with a text. You can wait to talk to them on the telephone or see them in person. If you meet in person, pick a place that is private and neutral so you can communicate what needs to be said and allows the other person to comment or ask questions.

3. DO IT QUICKLY. Say little and listen more. That is, if the other person wants to talk, allow it. Otherwise, don’t go on and on about why you want to break up. Make your points clear and then wish him/her well.

4. IF YOU SEE THE END COMING, START DISTANCING YOURSELF FROM THE OTHER PERSON GRADUALLY. You don’t have to end things abruptly. Take your time and let the other one down easy. Before you end it, he/she might check out ahead of you allowing a softer breakup. “I saw it coming. You weren’t around as much as you used to be. I sensed something was wrong. I’m glad you told me. I’ll miss you. I’ll be okay.”

5. COMMUNICATE A LOT PRIOR TO THE BREAK UP. If you both can see the writing on the wall, and you’re not keeping secrets about your desire to leave the relationship, but you talk it out gradually over time, the break up just might go a little easier on both of you.

6. BE PREPARED TO CRY IT OUT WITH THEM. Sometimes, letting go is harder than you think, for BOTH of you. Whether it’s hard on you or them, share in the emotions that come with any breakup so neither of you feels totally alone in your personal feelings. You shared some good times together. Acknowledge them. Let them know those won’t be forgotten.

(THERE ARE 7 MORE WAYS TO BREAK UP IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #29

How Do You Get Over A Breakup With Someone? Perspectives To Keep In Mind!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

Breaking up is hard enough, but it can be even harder to handle the aftermath and the emotional complications IF you don’t have the right perspective on everything. The key to any graceful breakup and a healthy recovery depends on how you see everything related to your break up. Such as:

1. It’s not the end of the world. One door closes; another door opens. This relationship was just one chapter in your book of life. No doubt, you will have many more opportunities to be in a relationship throughout your lifetime. So, chin up, the best is yet to come!

2. DID SOMEONE BREAK UP WITH YOU? Well, celebrate your break up! Don’t get mad or sad, be glad! Why? Because that person (who left you) just made room for someone new to walk right into your life. Someone better is bound to come along who is a much better fit to be the ONE for you. So? Celebrate the other person’s exit! Be glad they left. They saved you from being in the wrong relationship any longer than you should have been in it. Breaking up can be a good thing if you can get past some of the natural emotions we all feel when we lose someone. Remember, it’s about finding your right match. If this last person wasn’t a good match for you, either because they weren’t or you weren’t a good match for him/her, then keep in mind, it was no match at all from the start. GREAT! Get out! Be glad he/she called it quits and you didn’t have to. The other person did all the work. Besides, you only want to be with someone who wants to be with you. So, hurray, they left! “Bye, and ‘hello’ to someone new!”

3. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED to consider your feelings, pull yourself together, and get over who just left you. It’s all right. Take your time. Spend some quality alone time or go out with your friends that you hadn’t spent a lot of time with since you were in your last relationship. They miss you. Go party!

4. THINK ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. You want him/her to be happy right? Just like you want to be happy? Well, whoever does the breaking up, think about their needs as hard as that might be to do. Be happy for them that they might find someone better fit for them. That truly is the unselfish thing to do in a situation like this. If you can be happy for them, and not depend on them for your happiness, your break up just might go a little bit smoother ON YOU. By you choosing the high road of happiness, you can also be happy for you that you too might find your better match. It’s how the world of love and relationships work. Be sincere and show good faith that a breakup was best for both of you.

(THERE ARE 4 MORE PERSPECTIVES IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #30

Are YOU Prepared To Take The Next BIG Step? Is he/she?

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

You’ve reached a certain point in your new relationship with the one you’ve been hanging out with and perhaps even started dating a little. You’d like things to start getting serious and you want to take things to the next level. Well, what now? How do you know you’re ready to take you and the one you’re with to the next level and SECURE them as your own? Take the quick quiz ...

YES - OR - NO → #1: “I’m done with meeting and seeing other people. I’d like to spend some quality time with this person to see how far we can take this. The other person feels the same. I’m so excited.”

YES - OR - NO → #2: “I’m ready to turn my online dating profile to “offline” to send the signal to others knocking on my door that I’m not available. I’m going to give this new relationship my time and attention.”

YES - OR - NO → #3: “We’re already talking / doing things as a couple, together, like boyfriend/girlfriend. Now, I’m eager to see how far we can go. I’m looking forward to having someone in my life. This feels good ... having found someone!”

Granted, there are more tests to come to see if this new relationship is right for you. Until then, you’re ready to enter the SECURING stage as I call it. Now, let me tell you what it’s all about.

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BOOK EXCERPT #31

10 Qualities Women Find Very Attractive In The Men They Date

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. Women love a man who actually spends time with them. I know, sounds obvious, right? Well, this means taking breaks from being on the phone, on the computer, working, hanging out with male friends, hobbies, watching sports all the time, and spending time on social media. Women also like men who aren’t in such a rush to get back to those things, either!

2. Women like men who are driven, have a passion for something, know who they are, what they want from life, and have drive or purpose that helps guide them to their ultimate destination. Women like a man has no qualms about taking her along to special events! Nothing attracts a woman more than a man who is driven to succeed, while not at the expense of others, of course. They recognize their talents and put to use their gifts for the good of others as well. It’s a truly special man who can follow his own passion, make something of it, and share it with the love of his life.

3. Women love men who have a sense of humor, can make them laugh, and can laugh at themselves, and not take life so seriously. It shows humility and genuine self-love, which can be a very good thing. Women prefer a man who values what a good laugh can do for everyone around him, which demonstrates his confidence and concern for others.

4. Women love a man who they can trust. With so many people today (men and women) cheating on one another, men flirting/dating with multiple women, and so many other temptations that by not being honest and developing that trust factor, without it can be very destructive. No sneaking off to gamble with the family’s money, no hookers (or bi/affairs), no drugs, no excessive drinking or any other abusive problems are tolerated. NO HIDING ANYTHING. Transparency is the key to a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

5. Women love a man who takes care of himself. From his head down to his toes, from what a man wears on his feet to the pants, shirts, coats and other items he might wear, and how he looks, women love men who take care of themselves and take pride in their appearance. This includes eating/drinking habits and overall health care. What woman doesn’t like a man who can cook healthy and nourishing meals for his and her consumption? A man who dedicates time to exercise and stays in shape is another plus women love about men. A healthy mind and body usually creates an upbeat personality in a relationship and helps to maintain a long life together.

(THERE ARE 5 MORE QUALITIES WOMEN LOVE ABOUT MEN IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #32

Is He/She The ONE? 28 Ways Couples Know If The ONE They’re With Is The FOREVER KIND!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

As you both progress through your relationship together, here’s what you might be looking for to tell if the ONE you’re with is the “FOREVER KIND” of a person to go the distance with!!!

1. Minimal to no drama, arguing or major disagreements. Sure, some disagreements are bound to come up, but you’re both dedicated to each other to sit down, talk things out, listen extremely well and both shoot for a resolution that you both can agree to. Then, you move on, back to having fun and enjoying each other being together.

2. You’re both able to grow as individuals as you simultaneously grow more together as a couple.

3. You see eye to eye with how you’d like your relationship to grow into the future. That goes for where you might live together, whether to have children or not, how you’ll handle money matters, etc.

4. You’re not afraid to talk about your goals or express concerns when they arise. A real couple knows if one has to communicate with the other, it can be done in the open and they each take turns listening while allowing the other person to finish speaking what’s on his/her mind, and are in each other’s corner, always. With time, patience, and understanding, things work themselves out to their satisfaction.

5. In time, something inside tells you intuitively that you know you’ve found someone special and who might be the “ONE!” Spending time with this person becomes easier and more frequent with every passing day/week/month.

6. As you learn about each other’s flaws, you don’t let them deter you or bring you down. That is, unless they’re physically or mentally damaging to your heart, mind and/or body. You recognize that it’s those innocent imperfections that make you grow to love the person more. Being human is focusing on the good in each other and being willing to work out any issues in the relationship as it continues to grow. With any smooth sailing boat, there are bound to be a few rogue waves on the water of life and love. Not to worry, hold on tight, talk things out and you’ll make it just fine.

7. Your intimate moments spent together start tugging at your heart strings and taking over your mind by sending warm vibrations throughout your body every time you think of them, whether in person or when you’re away from him/her for the day or night.

8. You’re beginning to think that you can actually feel and hear what your honey thinks and wants to do with you when you’re together, even if it’s not verbally expressed. You’re both able to step inside his/her mind to understand how they’re feeling whether it’s joy, sadness, happiness, stress, or concern.

9. You feel secure knowing that he/she is looking out for you, thinks of you often, and can’t wait to see you again. Which means when you ask for alone time, you both know that having your own space or time out with friends can be good for a relationship. Trust is paramount and a priority.

10. You respect each other’s differences and opinions, although you strive to become one with them as time grows on. Couples can be all over the board in their thoughts and ideas, but no two people ever make a perfect couple, well, maybe a few out there do. Where are they? You’re looking for more of what makes you the same and appreciate what makes you different and honor those differences.

11. Neither of you ever uses a threatening word, tone or disrespects your new love with your words or actions. This behavior is unacceptable and your goal is never to hurt, harm, or demean anyone (or allow it happen to you). THE LAW: Everyone’s happy, respected, supported, lifted up and cherished, or you know where the door is and so does he/she.

12. Each of you takes responsibility for your actions and sincerely offers apologies when needed. “Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ...” works magic when spoken with kindness and sincerity.

13. You both know and love that you complete each other because you each strive to give the person what is needed in the relationship and vice versa. One person may be the extrovert, while the other is an introvert. One may be social, while the other is not. Soul mates are often attracted to their opposites, but also complement each other and help one another in ways where self-help doesn’t always work especially when single or alone. Hurray, for coupling up!

14. You, as an individual, are in charge of defending your own heart and body so follow your intuition carefully to be sure you are trusting your instincts or heartfelt feelings that might come to you throughout your relationship. They are to be your sight much of the time, if not, most of the time. Check in, “How am I feeling about this relationship? Going well? Going forward? Struggling? Not getting along? Anything that can be improved, worked on or abandoned to improve the odds for happiness and contentment?

(THERE ARE 14 MORE WAYS COUPLES CAN TELL IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #33

12 Things Really Happy People Don’t Care Much About

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Reprinted by Permission

1. They don’t care to go out every weekend. Staying home is just as fun for them. For example, they might create their own disco night where they play dance music in the living room, make their own drinks and dance with next to nothing on all night long.

2. They don’t need to spend a lot (or any) money on each other to be happy. “I have you and that’s all that matters.”

3. They don’t care to be right all the time.

4. They don’t care about accumulating a lot of material possessions.

5. They don’t care what others think. They don’t let others/society dictate how they should live life.

6. They don’t care about receiving, personally/selfishly, as much as they do about giving to each other so everyone wins.

7. They don’t seek out or do things that create problems.

8. They don’t care to argue, but, instead, allow for calm discussions to work for them until logical answers surface and then life goes on happily ever after again for them.

9. They don’t care to gossip, spread rumors or create drama.

10. They don’t care to hang out with people who cause trouble or cost them money.

11. They don’t care about other people’s business and respect the privacy of others because they’d like others to respect theirs.

12. They don’t care about anyone else’s opinion where it pertains to the one they love and have chosen to be with.

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BOOK EXCERPT #34

The ONE For You Is Really Cultivated, To Some Extent, To Become The Ideal One For You!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

We all have expectations for the person we seek to complement us. We have a mental image of how that person looks and a well-thought out list of the qualities we expect them to have and bring to the relationship. One thing to keep in mind is to NOT be too fixed in one’s mind-set about what this person might look like or do for a living or where you might find him/her.

The reason is the one for you might be someone you might never guess was really a potential mate. As in, the ONE just popped out of nowhere and does something (for a living) that you never would have imagined.

Because, you see, relationships are so deep and so powerful, it is important to know how to cultivate and nurture them. At first glance, that someone you picture might not meet up with the prospective life mate sitting right in front of you. Know the ONE will (and can) be developed over time either in your presence or before you meet him or her. So, first, go along for the ride to see where that road leads and also be open to meeting people you might not think could be the one for you, but actually turns out to be ... the ONE for you!!!!

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BOOK EXCERPT #35

LADIES: He’s A Great Guy IF ...

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. He appreciates all of you for who you are.

2. He doesn’t have one jealous bone in his body.

3. He doesn’t like to be away from you for very long and makes sure he spends quality time with you often.

4. He eats healthy, takes care of his body, works out for you (and him), and overall wants you to have the best of him possible, so, he takes care of himself.

5. He enjoys family time whether it’s his or yours.

6. He buys you small gifts from time to time and without it being a special occasion ... just because.

7. He defends you when someone comes at you for whatever reason. He is your knight in shining armor.

8. He doesn’t get on your case when you laugh at him for the silliest things he does or can’t do.

9. He enjoys being in your company whenever he can.

10. He feels comfortable speaking his mind because he knows you’ll make every effort to listen, understand, and respond in a way that helps him.

11. He insists that you both not argue or stay angry and does what he can to bring humor and light into any disagreement.

12. He is attractive in ways only to you and no one else. That’s why you’re with him.

13. He is constantly improving himself, making him more interesting and irresistible to you at every turn.

14. He’s highly motivated and enjoys the work he does.

15. He is secure in who he is and doesn’t have to fake anything.

16. He’s a source of information, handy, resourceful, and a problem-solver.

17. He is willing to take the initiative to plan things and follows through without being told.

18. He just smiles and says, “It’ll be alright,” when things go wrong or you make trivial mistakes.

19. He keeps his promises and tries to never let you down.

20. He kisses you every day (morning, noon and night).

21. He kisses you often and all over, with or without clothes on.

22. He knows when you need a hug and initiates them often even if you don’t.

23. He lets you share what’s on your mind (good/bad) when you need to talk to someone and without judgment or even responding. Sometimes, she just needs to unload and you’re there for her.

24. He likes to cook and share a meal with you with only one fork or spoon. It’s so you can take turns feeding each other.

25. He likes to cuddle, snuggle, and keep you warm at night with his arms around you all night long.

26. He listens to you, understands, and shows his support or offers you healthy feedback.

27. He listens with interest and an open mind when you speak.

28. He looks forward to spending time with you because you always have fun together.

29. He’s proud of you when you hang out with his friends.

30. He loves that you let him finish his statements when he talks to you and you don’t talk over him.

31. He loves to see you wear his shirts and whatever else makes you feel comfortable or free wearing them.

32. He loves your kids (if you have them) and doesn’t mind pitching in to help you when you need a break.

33. He makes an effort to please you and make you smile.

34. He makes you feel beautiful even when you don’t feel like you are (at that moment).

35. He makes you laugh a lot! He’s fun to be around, always.

36. He makes you laugh when you didn’t think you could because you’re upset, stressed, etc.

(THERE ARE 40 MORE "GREAT GUY" QUALITIES IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #36

GUYS: You’ve Got A Great Gal IF ...

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. She builds you up when you need a boost of confidence from time to time.

2. She can trust you because you trust her and you don’t want that bond to ever die.

3. She doesn’t mind picking up your smelly workout clothes and tossing them in the hamper for you.

4. She encourages you to chase after your dreams, go for things in life that you want, and shoot for the stars.

5. She encourages you to develop your own personal identity.

6. She gave you the best gift you could ever receive from her … and that’s her love, devotion and companionship.

7. She gives you space to work on your passion, special interests, and hobbies.

8. She gives you space and respects your need for man time to be alone or with your buds.

9. She has an open mind when it comes to changes that might come up.

10. She is a great listener and lets you talk to her about what’s troubling you, whether it’s something related to her, you, or out in the world somewhere.

11. She is your best friend, the love of your life, your teacher and a student who loves to learn (from you) all at the same time just as you are to her in those same roles.

12. She is willing to compromise (as you are too) when one of you needs to due to a certain circumstance.

13. She knows you both have our strengths and weaknesses. Where and when we can help each other, we do, with all our heart.

14. She knows you’re busy when you don’t call her, so, she lets you finish your work.

15. She lets you embark on your fantasies and ideas as long as you respect her wish for safety (so you come back in one piece).

16. She lets you take the lead for both of you, while at times you have no problem letting her lead us too.

17. She lets you make mistakes when you do. Hey, no one’s perfect. She laughs when you goof up.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE "GREAT GAL" QUALITIES IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #37

10 Facts About Love & Attachment To Remember Going Into Any Relationship

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. Love grows someone; attachment smothers.

2. Love has no ego; whereas attachment thrives on ego.

3. Love is an emotion of strong attraction; attachment does not have to be reciprocal.

4. Love is everlasting; attachment is transient.

5. Love is forever; attachment is temporary.

6. Love is security; attachment is an add-on or extension of a personality largely to impress. Unhealthy, so, “Bye!”

7. Love is selfless; whereas attachment is always selfish.

8. Love is unconditional; attachment is a need for someone to fill a void in one’s life. Not good. Say, “goodbye.”

9. Love lets you trust and believe; attachment carries with it insecurities and uncertainty.

10. Love liberates and frees; attachment controls.

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BOOK EXCERPT #38

LADIES: 26 Signs He’s REALLY Interested In You, Just In Case You’re Wondering

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. He’s stopped seeing/dating other women, rarely talks to them anymore, and spends most of his time with you, talking to you and doing things together. Literally, that “together” sign shows that he’s really interested in you.

2. When he’s away from you, he checks in often, even daily.

3. You’ve been talking about the future and he has no problem contributing that that conversation ; shows real interest.

4. He doesn’t hide you from his friends or family and wants them to know you and appreciate you as much as he does.

5. He talks about getting married and even loves the idea; he sees you in his future. A good thing in deed!

6. He’s interested in moving in together. That’s a big step for guys, and if you read the rules about (Marriage vs. Living Together) in this section, know what his intentions are.

7. He does things with you because he wants to spend his time with you more than anyone else in his life.

8. He treats you right because he doesn’t want to lose you. He’s well-mannered, thinks of you first, behaves himself and is committed to taking care of himself for both of you.

9. He tries not to make mistakes and if he does, he’s quick to apologize and make amends; accepts responsibility.

10. He initiates opportunities to be with you and do things for you even before you have to ask.

11. You are now a priority in his life as he thinks about and prepares to build a future with you.

12. He makes changes in his life, even certain sacrifices, to accommodate you and to bring you closer to him.

13. He doesn’t see you as just someone he’s dating any more. He thinks of you in a more serious light.

14. He makes the effort to understand your emotional, physical and other needs without you having to tell him.

15. He does things (with action, not words) to keep you happy and interested in him for your continued togetherness.

16. He’s treating you like his wife by sharing everything with you, even doing your laundry with his.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE "REALLY INTO HER" SIGNS IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #39

Signs You’re Both Ready For Marriage

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

1. While you enjoyed your single life, those days are over. It’s time to share your life with someone in holy matrimony. Just the idea of looking for someone new sounds like work and doesn’t even come to mind anymore. You’ve found the ONE.

2. You both feel you’ve found the one for you and getting married just feels like the next step to protect and further advance your love for each other while bringing you closer.

3. You both enjoy talking about being married, the wedding, and you can’t wait to announce it to your friends/family.

4. You can’t wait to make an announcement to friends and family about your decision to spend the rest of your life together as husband and wife. He/she doesn’t try to hide your intensions from others.

5. You communicate well together, resolve conflicts well, and see eye to eye on so many things that matter.

6. You both see a future together with each other, and dedicated to seeing it come true.

7. You get along easily, and much of your lives fit well together, such as career, lifestyle, wants/desires, etc.

8. It’s not even in your vocabulary or on your minds that you were not meant to be together. Marriage is the logical next step.

9. Your soon-to-be husband/wife has no desire to suppress your personal ambitions or resents your desire for personal and professional successes.

10. You’ve had several long discussions and asked each other all the right questions. You’ve even referenced the suggested questions found in this book and within this chapter.

11. All your friends are married, have kids, etc. You’re thinking that it’s time that you did the same. You both are ready and so excited about the prospect.

12. You can’t imagine life without the other one. Proposing is the right thing to do. It begins a new chapter in your life together.

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BOOK EXCERPT #40

28 Ways Couples Know If The ONE They’re With Is The FOREVER KIND!

Find The One For Me Excerpt
Copyright © 2024 by Bart Smith
Reprinted by Permission

As you both progress through your relationship together, here’s what you might be looking for to tell if the ONE you’re with is the “FOREVER KIND” of a person to go the distance with!!!

2. You’re both able to grow as individuals as you simultaneously grow more together as a couple.

4. You’re not afraid to talk about your goals or express concerns when they arise. A real couple knows if one has to communicate with the other, it can be done in the open and they each take turns listening while allowing the other person to finish speaking what’s on his/her mind, and are in each other’s corner, always. With time, patience, and understanding, things work themselves out to their satisfaction.

5. In time, something inside tells you intuitively that you know you’ve found someone special and who might be the “ONE!” Spending time with this person becomes easier and more frequent with every passing day/week/month.

6. As you learn about each other’s flaws, you don’t let them deter you or bring you down. That is, unless they’re physically or mentally damaging to your heart, mind and/or body. You recognize that it’s those innocent imperfections that make you grow to love the person more. Being human is focusing on the good in each other and being willing to work out any issues in the relationship as it continues to grow. With any smooth sailing boat, there are bound to be a few rogue waves on the water of life and love. Not to worry, hold on tight, talk things out and you’ll make it just fine.

7. Your intimate moments spent together start tugging at your heart strings and taking over your mind by sending warm vibrations throughout your body every time you think of them, whether in person or when you’re away from him/her for the day or night.

8. You’re beginning to think that you can actually feel and hear what your honey thinks and wants to do with you when you’re together, even if it’s not verbally expressed. You’re both able to step inside his/her mind to understand how they’re feeling whether it’s joy, sadness, happiness, stress, or concern.

9. You feel secure knowing that he/she is looking out for you, thinks of you often, and can’t wait to see you again. Which means when you ask for alone time, you both know that having your own space or time out with friends can be good for a relationship. Trust is paramount and a priority.

10. You respect each other’s differences and opinions, although you strive to become one with them as time grows on. Couples can be all over the board in their thoughts and ideas, but no two people ever make a perfect couple, well, maybe a few out there do. Where are they? You’re looking for more of what makes you the same and appreciate what makes you different and honor those differences.

11. Neither of you ever uses a threatening word, tone or disrespects your new love with your words or actions. This behavior is unacceptable and your goal is never to hurt, harm, or demean anyone (or allow it happen to you). THE LAW: Everyone’s happy, respected, supported, lifted up and cherished, or you know where the door is and so does he/she.

12. Each of you takes responsibility for your actions and sincerely offers apologies when needed. “Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ...” works magic when spoken with kindness and sincerity.

14. You, as an individual, are in charge of defending your own heart and body so follow your intuition carefully to be sure you are trusting your instincts or heartfelt feelings that might come to you throughout your relationship. They are to be your sight much of the time, if not, most of the time. Check in, “How am I feeling about this relationship? Going well? Going forward? Struggling? Not getting along? Anything that can be improved, worked on or abandoned to improve the odds for happiness and contentment?

(THERE ARE 14 MORE "WAYS" IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #41

10 Great Reasons To Get Married

(The Benefits Of Marriage)

There are so many benefits that go with marriage that you might not be aware of. Married couples get to enjoy certain legal, social, health, safety, happiness, and financial benefits that their single friends don’t. Look what you have to look forward to when you get married:

1. Stop searching, wasting time and money on the wrong prospects. If that isn’t your first benefit, what else is? You can now focus on growing with someone rather than stagnating alone in all the areas you’re about to see.

2. On average, married couples are healthier, happier and enjoy longer lives than those who are not married.

3. Married couples build more wealth and faster than singles/cohabiting couples.

4. Married moms usually have lower rates of depression than single/cohabiting moms, most likely because they have the financial and emotional support they need from their children’s father and his family. Married women are also economically better off than divorced, cohabiting or women who have never been married.

5. Children raised by their biological parents are less likely to be poor or experience economic insecurity. Children living in a married home are more likely to stay in school, have better grades, have fewer behavioral and attendance issues, and go on to earn four-year college degrees. These children are also less vulnerable to depression, emotional illness, and even suicide. They’re more likely to have a positive attitude toward marriage growing up and a greater success in forming their own lasting marriages.

6. Married women are at lower risk for domestic violence than single women in dating or cohabiting relationships. Being married also changes people’s overall lifestyle and habits in ways that are both personally and socially beneficial to everyone. Marriage is the foundation for making a healthy society. It generates social capital, which helps generate happiness, safety and prosperity for all. The social bonds generated from marriage yield benefits not just for families, but others including singles and the larger society. If everyone were single, you wouldn’t have these benefits.

7. Married women are significantly less likely to be the victims of violent crime than single or divorced women. Married men are less likely to perpetrate violent crimes than unmarried men.

8. Tax-wise, married couples benefit from tax breaks that single people do not get. This extends to receiving social security from a deceased spouse (whichever is greater) when you retire. A spouse can inherit an entire estate without tax consequences. Probate can be avoided with a Living Trust.

9. Health insurance is typically cheaper. You can usually get on your spouse’s health insurance and get a family rate. Usually plans for one (plus a spouse) are less expensive versus having individual health plans.

10. You have good protection if your spouse dies in most cases. You can receive survivor’s benefits from a pension plan, among other retirement benefits you might be eligible for, than if you were single, alone, and on your own.

Being married, couples benefit financially, emotionally, healthfully, mentally, and your children and society benefit as well. All this can happen, but only when two people are ready for it and they want it with their minds and their hearts to demonstrate and share that love forever and then I say, “Go for it!”

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BOOK EXCERPT #42

21+ Questions To Ask Prior To Marriage

No doubt, there are many questions you should be asking yourself and each other before you get married. For starters, here are 21 great questions to get you started. You can imagine each question gives you ample curiosity to inspire more questions.

1. What’s your financial situation look like? Saved income? Savings? Credit score? Current income? Job security? If you choose to, could you start a business together? These are important questions to ask up front. Marriage is not only a loving relationship, it’s a financial one as well. You not only gain income, but you risk losing money if one (or both) is a bad spender, in debt, has poor credit, etc. How easy would it be to relocate should one of you need to change jobs/careers? What percentage of our income should we prepare to spend on housing and living expenses. What about allowing one of you or both time to clear up some debts or improve a credit score prior to marriage? If you both became jobless, what resources or assets can you depend on? Can you put a plan together to prepare for emergencies? What about net worth, cash flow and any assets?

2. What’s going on in your life right now that the other person should be aware of? Perhaps you have a certain career or other aspirations you need to talk about. Is he/she okay with your current status, pursuits, or can they join in on them with you and simply provide their loving support?

3. Do your careers conflict, complement or coincide? Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you both do for a living provided they don’t rob either of you of time together or impose demands on one of you so the other suffers. Talk about these matters before getting married. Maybe small changes can make all the difference.

4. Are there any health issues or concerns that either of you should know about? Do you take medication? Do you follow a specific diet regimen that restricts your food choices? Do you have/see a doctor regularly? Do you have health insurance? Dental insurance? Have you ever seen or are you seeing a therapist? How much alcohol do you drink every week? What would you do if the other fell ill for quite some time? Would you care for them for the duration or if not, would you leave? Not everyone is a caregiver. Have you ever had health problems that were a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

5. Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks? How would you react if your spouse lost an arm, a leg or a breast? How would you handle this?

6. Do you share the same faith, culture or ethnic roots? If you don’t, will that pose a problem or enrich you both as ONE? Does your religion or culture impose any behavioral restrictions, such as diet, social, familial or sexual, that would affect your marriage together?

7. What are your political views? Same, similar, somewhat close, not close at all? You don’t have to see eye-to-eye on all political topics, but it helps.

8. What will sex be like when you’re married? Will you stay committed to pleasuring each other? This includes doing little things to help keep each other’s sensual affection and physical jollies spruced up, alive and maintained. Will you feel forced to have it when you’re not in the mood? Guys? Don’t be forcing sex on her. You should earn it with your words and deeds. Second, she should be naturally coming to you with phrases like, “Honey, I’m feeling it. I’ve been good, I mean, err, bad ... Would you? You know ...”

9. Do you see yourself having a family? Kids? How many? Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? How do you see your roles as parents? How will having children change the way you live now and WHERE you live? What if you cannot conceive? What then? Does parenting fit into your personal and professional lives?

10. If one of you chooses not to work for some reason, such as, to be a stay-at-home parent, would that be okay? Can one income carry you? What new roles can be carved out based on this new relationship arrangement?

11. Is there anything that either of your friends or family does that annoys you or that you think will prevent you from living your lives in harmony, on your own terms, and without interference?

(THERE ARE 10 MORE QUESTIONS TO ASK IN THE BOOK)

What other questions can you think of asking? How about pets? Is it important for one of you (or both) to be involved in your local community? Have you ever been involved in a lawsuit? Have you ever been the victim of a crime or committed one? Is it important for you to attend social events or do you prefer to stay at home more? Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays? What is your level of education? What about car ownership and transportation? Are there some things that either of you are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage? Are you considering marriage for all the right reasons? Are you being honest with yourself?

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BOOK EXCERPT #43

21 Questions To Ask YOURSELF Before Marrying Someone, Even The ONE

Just because someone wants to marry you, it doesn’t mean you should. Here are some questions to ask yourself if someone ever asks to marry you or you think they want to.

1. Do you really love this person enough to marry them? Dating, going steady, and spending together time is one thing, but marrying them and dedicating all your time, energy, life and resources is another matter.

2. Will this person add to your life or detract from it? Do they bring something to your world or do they cause you to slow down, deal with (their) problems when you normally might not chose to deal with them?

3. Does he/she bring out the best in you or the worst? How do you feel when around that person? Good, bad, happy, thrilled, sad, frustrated?

4. Do you share similar interests or are you forcing yourself to like what he/she likes? Not good. That will end a relationship sooner than later.

5. Do you have good chemistry inside and outside of the bedroom? You better!

6. Are you expecting too much of him/her? Are you asking for radical changes that he/she can’t sustain just to accommodate your ideal soul mate needs?

7. Does this person have good morals, habits, behaviors when in public and in private? How do they act? Can you live with what you’ve witnessed or is there no problem there to begin with?

8. Do you see any self-destructive signs in the other person? Better to let a qualified professional work with them instead of you.

9. Are your ambitions, visions and goals in harmony with your soon-to-be soulmate? They should be. Isn’t that what attracted you to him/her? Extreme polar opposites rarely work well together.

10. Do you feel like you’re settling for just anyone, or should you really hold out for someone more ideal for you? Seriously, don’t marry because you’re lonely and want someone to be with. Better to wait for someone best suited for you versus someone to fill a void.

11. Am I listening to my “heart voice” or my “head voice?” Your heart and your head can both advise you, but in different ways.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE QUESTIONS TO ASK "YOURSELF" IN THE BOOK)

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BOOK EXCERPT #44

LADIES: 21 Signs Your Man IS NOT Husband Material (Guys, Listen Up!)

Guys, don’t fall into these bad behaviors or you’ll see the door faster than you can say, “Huh!” Ladies, there are many grievous red flags that can tell you if he’s meant for the altar and deserving of your hand in marriage. This list is not to be overlooked:

1. Does he make it uneasy for you to show him off to your friends and family?

2. Do you foresee any personal issues/struggles that either he (or the two of you) can’t overcome?

3. Does he demonstrate in some way every day that he loves you? Does he grab your hand every day? Kiss you every day? Hug you every day? Why NOT! Oh, he does? Okay, next question.

4. Does he enjoy being with your crazy friends and family, or does he do things to sabotage your spending time with them? I know a man who married a woman whose family aggressively wrecked their relationship for more than 20 years. That is absolutely unacceptable. When problems like this can’t be fixed, it’s time to close the door on a relationship. Sadly, in this case, the family lost touch with the only daughter/sister they had for two decades.

5. Does he respect your faith, religious and/or spiritual needs? What are his? Does he have any? Do you?

6. Does he show signs he’s no longer committed to your goals, but expects you to support his ambitions, goals and visions. Yeah, right. “See ya!”

7. He crowds you, is overly possessive, and doesn’t trust you or give you the space you need when you need it. It’s always, “Where are you? Where are you going? Who are you with? When are you coming home?”, etc. Uh, you’re not 16 any more, living at home. He’s not your father, he’s your husband, your equal. “Uh, bye!”

8. He stopped taking care of himself. You noticed as you got further along in your dating relationship, that he started to let himself go, physically/health-wise. That’s what happens when you don’t have to prove yourself in the open market among singles anymore because he snagged his gal. The same can go for the ladies too, but you get the idea here. Guys, don’t let that gut get bigger than your butt!

9. Are you comfortable making love to him? Is he fun, flirtatious and spontaneous in nature from time to time? Does he look out for your sexual needs and not just his own? He should be able to satisfy himself as he’s taking care of yours or is he demanding and anti-romantic by what he does or says to you in these areas? When WAS the last time he bought you flowers?

10. He just makes you feel less of a person than you once were when dating him. Once upon a time, you got along and now that you’re soon to get married, he’s starting to get bossy, mean and abusive. What’s that line of mine? Oh, “You’re not paid to be his therapist.” It’s “Bye bye!”

11. He expects you to be the chief cook and dishwasher as well as pick up after him, without him ever lifting a finger. You’re no one’s servant, maid or full-time cook. That is, unless that suits you and you love it and he pulls his weight. Then, it’s a team effort. He puts in eight hours a day to make all the money, and you put in eight hours at home to make it the kind of place you both want to be.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE SIGNS IN THE BOOK, LADIES.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #45

GUYS: 22 Signs SHE Wants To Marry You

In the event she hasn’t already come out with it or dropped little hints on you to marry her like, “When we get married, we can/will ...”, then here are a number of signs you better pay close attention to. You don’t want to lose a good thing when it comes knockin’ at your dating door.

1. If she starts talking about your future together, sure enough, that’s one sign she wants to marry you.

2. If you hear her talk about all her friends getting married and having kids, and she’s still lagging behind them, then that’s a sign she wants to get married.

3. If she voluntarily does those things for you that anyone would do for someone they love (i.e., cooking/feeding you, picking up after you in small/caring ways, taking care of you in other ways you find kind and loving, etc.), then you can bet, those are signs she wants to get close to you as a wife and not just your girlfriend!

4. If she wants to meet and/or do things with your friends/family in a wife role/capacity, then that’s a good sign.

5. She doesn’t even hesitate when you ask her if she’d like to go steady or even get married one day. That’s a very good sign.

6. She’s willing to move where you want and/or support you in the career of your choice even if you need to spend long hours away from her. She’s that supportive, but only as your wife.

7. She’s openly willing to be the kind of person you can confide in when something cool/funny/good/weird/bad happens. “Honey, you can tell me anything. What you tell me is our secret. I’m all ears, and I’m all yours!”

8. You hear her talk about her friends complaining about their significant others and she just can’t relate. She tells you you’re everything she’s ever wanted in a boyfriend, ‘er, husband (to be).

9. You find she’s happily eager to be your biggest fan and supports you in anything you want to do and stands behind you all the way. All she wants is for you to include her in it, either on the sidelines as a fan or in the actual game/activity with you. She just wants to be with you!

10. She has her own life outside of your relationship, which gives you the free time you need to spend time alone or with your buds. What’s great is she encourages you to do so whenever you need it.

11. Similarly, she knows when you’re busy and need to focus, so she’s quick to wish you well and leave you alone. “Enjoy your work, honey!”, or “C’mon kids, Dad has to get his work done so we can all go to the beach this weekend.”

12. Just when you think you’ve misjudged her, she comes right back in pleasant ways that tell you she’s deeper and more self-reliant than you know, as she says something like, “Honey, I took care of what was bothering me, but was so glad you were there when/if I needed you.”

(THERE ARE 10 MORE SIGNS IN THE BOOK, GUYS.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #46

GUYS: How To Know If SHE Is NOT Wife Or Marriage Material

(Ladies, Listen Up!)

1. She’s a little too uptight, takes life too seriously, and is just a fireball of pent up female emotions that are just too hot for you to (want to) handle. Let alone, she’s not or cannot be flexible or giving on the important issues that affect you both. Wow, let the comet keep flying by!

2. She’s clingy and dependent; unable to make a decision on her own and consults you on every little thing, which can be annoying after a while.

3. She doesn’t bring much to the table in regards to income, education, or ambition to improve herself or grow intellectually, skill-wise, etc. You can’t tow the line (i.e., paying for every expense) full-time without some support. Now, if you’re made of millions, then you still should expect her to bring something of substance to the relationship that meets your needs too.

4. She’s constantly complaining and thinks she can shape you into the person she wants you to be. Ouch and “Bye!”

5. She’s controlling and doesn’t trust you. She wants to decide where you go, what you do and who with. In other words, getting together with the guys to watch the Super Bowl is out. You can forget about talking to or meeting with any females from your work or female clients. She suspects they have ulterior motives for taking you away from her. Yikes, RUN from this type of gal.

(THERE ARE 5 MORE SIGNS TO LOOK FOR IN THE BOOK, GUYS.)

As you can imagine, there are other signs women show (or don’t) that prove they are not marriage material or ready for marriage in their current state. Keep your eyes and ears open and watch for patterns. What you might not catch today with those hawk eyes and ears of yours, you might if you take note of what she says/does over time. Keep a mental journal so you can refer to it when she asks you, “Well, are we getting married or not?” You can then play back a series of episodes telling her how her actions force you to say, “I don’t think so. Maybe later, at some point.”

Sure, you could try bringing these issues up with her, and maybe she’ll listen and work hard to improve. If not, then I have a saying that goes like this: “Sometimes we can’t be people’s teachers. We don’t have the time or the resources or the know-how. So, it’s best that we let life be their teacher.” Let her back out into the wild to learn, grow and become a better person ... for someone else to catch when she’s eventually ready to enter into a healthy relationship with her chosen one who can appreciate her. Until then, wish her well.

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BOOK EXCERPT #47

Why Aren’t MEN & WOMEN Married By Their 30’s & 40’s?

We’ve covered a lot of information in PART #5 about securing the ONE for you, haven’t we? With all this newly digested knowledge, insight, societal wisdom, precautions, tips and warnings, then why are so many men and women still not married in their 30s and 40s? While there’s not much that bears repeating, namely because I’ve already covered so many reasons why, I will try to sum it up like this:

1. Both men and women are not making marriage a priority in their lives. Neither gender is either focused on it or putting their foot down (where their desires for it are concerned) up front and early in the relationship. Whether they haven’t been encouraged to do so, or the prospects they hung out with weren’t marriage material, or ????? Who knows? It just ain’t happening!

2. FURTHER, they’re just having too much fun mingling, dating, dabbling, nibbling and biting ... oh, sorry, I’m getting off track. Seriously folks, men and women are just having too much fun enjoying their freedom as singles, pursuing their careers and passions, that they’re forgetting that marriage offers a whole new world with a similar set of benefits and more!

3. If that wasn’t enough, they’re forgetting about their own bodies, their time clocks, and what happens at different stages of life as they grow older. Why so? Maybe because no one’s around to tell them otherwise, everyone’s just left to experience everything on their own. Parents are divorced, separated or not even in major communication with their kids. Maybe they don’t know how to effectively pass down knowledge and information. Who knows???

4. ALL I DO KNOW IS someone has to take a stab at it and parlay this information to the younger generations before marriage itself becomes divorced from reality. Just Imagine if we didn’t have authors, teachers and historians to teach us about our past? Where would we be today? MESSED UP? YOU GOT IT! That’s not the way society should go, let alone humans who, deep down, do long for and desire to find the ONE for them, and live happily ever after in a union of hope, love, romance, memories and posterity.

5. To just go through life, single, a consumer of goods and services, alone, not able to share your daily joys and sorrows with someone who would love to do the same with you. That’s just not how to live, for most people, that is.

(THERE ARE 4 MORE REASONS IN THE BOOK.)

On that note, I’ll leave the topic of marriage up to you and what you want to do with it. If and when you do take the plunge, and you find the ONE for you, here is some great advice for newlyweds or those who are planning to marry again.

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BOOK EXCERPT #48

Are You Close To Making A Commitment? Don’t Lose The ONE For You Because ...

1. He/she doesn’t live up to your fantasy driven standards or expectations.

2. Somehow, no matter how good this person is for you and to you, you still think there’s someone better out there for you. So, will you do something to end the relationship or postpone responding to questions related to your future together where your impending marriage is concerned?

3. You don’t think you’re ready for that big step, marriage that is, and you just need a little more time to think about it. Well, think fast, after awhile, you’ll be left alone to think some more about it. Clearly, if feeling uncertain, do wait.

4. Things are going so well that you either doubt yourself or think this is too good to be true so you do something to sabotage it. Accept your good fortune before you lose it.

5. You can’t shake the pain of a past breakup so you lack confidence to invest in someone new even though he/she is a breath of fresh air and so good for you. Everyone, including you (or the other person) deserves a second chance. Always!

6. You’re too consumed with being perfect for someone, that you never let yourself get snatched up by someone who can really help complete you to become that ideal couple in love.

(THERE ARE 4 MORE PRECAUTIONS IN THE BOOK.)

Whatever you do, just don’t push a good person out of your life without really taking a hard look at you, the other person, your future and your past. Do you have patterns for judging people too harshly? Do you struggle with accepting help from people or love into your life? Do you sabotage good things that happen to you? Do you compare yourself unfairly with your family friends’ relationships? Be mindful, but don’t let your mind take over what your heart has to say too.

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BOOK EXCERPT #49

21 Habits Of Happy Couples

1. They hold hands every chance they get.

2. They hug often; morning, noon and night!

3. They would never intentionally hurt the other one.

4. They look for ways to please, help, and be happy together.

5. They appreciate what each brings to the relationship.

6. They cultivate common interests/activities together.

7. They make special snacks or meals and pour his/her favorite beverage because it is pleasurable and appreciated. It's nice to be served, by each other.

8. They’re focused on each other’s feelings and happiness.

9. They take turns doing thoughtful things for each other.

10. They look out for one another. “How are you today, honey? Can I do anything for ya?”

11. They head to bed at the same time and curl up together.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE HABITS IN THE BOOK.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #50

15 Habits That Happy Couples Always Avoid At All Costs

1. They don’t argue or fight in front of others, especially, the kids. EVER!

2. They don’t blame each other, but instead find ways to heal each other.

3. They don’t compare themselves to other couples. They know they’re unique and every couple is different.

4. They don’t forget important anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and other dates.

5. They don’t ignore or avoid each other.

6. They don’t interrupt when the other person is talking.

7. They don’t let anyone hear them fighting if they fight at all.

8. They don’t let outsiders influence their decisions about what they should do.

9. They don’t make unrealistic demands.

10. They don’t ever preach, boss, snap, command or talk in demeaning or condescending tones.

(THERE ARE 5 MORE HABITS IN THE BOOK.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #51

Ladies, What You Should Know About MEN → Pay Close Attention!

There are a few clear cues and signs many men will give that can help you see through his words and find out if he truly loves you. He could say it on the very first date or a few months down the road, but he still means it with all his heart and sees you as a long term lover in his life.

If you’re still not sure, remember, actions speak louder than words. How does he behave when he’s around you? Does he say, “I love you” only when he’s trying to get into your pants or does he look gazingly into your eyes? He feels free to say loving things to you without obligation. Often the tone of his voice will tell you how genuine he is especially when his intentions are to share how he feels and then says. “I love you, honey ...”

Men Need Time For Themselves

It’s a fact. Every man craves alone time, devoid of talking, a chance to melt away any stress that has burdened them for a few days. Unlike women who need their space, but are more often energized with spending time with other people, men need to pull away and get some place in order to want to bounce back again, hence the “man cave.” The more he pulls away and gets his space, the quicker he’s refreshed, renewed and more excited and ready to spend NEW/QUALITY TIME with his wife.

What if it’s been a long day and you haven’t had any time with your spouse? Is it fair that he should retreat to that man cave as soon as he returns home from a hectic day at work? Honestly? Ladies, yes, let him go. It means that you both take care of yourselves while looking out for each other because you want both of you happy. Understanding what each of you needs to chill out minimizes further tension and animosity. Who wouldn’t want a little peace and quiet if it meant keeping harmony in the home?

Why Men Can Typically Let Go

Of Problems Faster Than Women

Whatever the hot-button issue of the week reveals, it is clear that women can and do remember negative experiences longer than men. This may include looking back on old feelings of stress, anger, anxiety, fault, or sadness.

Men are far less likely to spend time thinking about the past and negative events and will choose to move on and quickly. So why can’t men be more like women and vice versa? While women may still want to talk about their most recent disagreement, he has probably forgotten it and moved on. Many women view arguments as something you can keep working on and tend to go revisit it while men don’t like extended conversations talking about the same thing. It’s just how they are wired.

In a breakup, for example, women may become angered and awed by the ability of their former boyfriends to seemingly move on with life when the relationship ends. A man’s sense of emotional expression may be very different, but the way he thinks and feels are not. As a culture, generally a man’s sense of emotional expression encourages him to recover quickly otherwise they’re not considered “manly.” Social conditioning has created this conundrum. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. He’s just thinking about his next move and taking action for resolution and progress. That’s not a bad thing.

Why Men Don’t Always

Pick Up On Subtle Cues

Ladies, here’s a big man tip for you. Men can, will, and do miss subtle signals that you send his way. Can they not read the sadness on a woman’s face? Not always. Even though he may not be great at guessing your emotions, there are a few ways to ensure that he gets your message, Simply, take the direct approach. Be rational and logical. It takes seconds and it works. Set up your conversations so he is prepared for what you are about to say, being careful not to put him on the defensive. In any good conversation when you are trying to make a point, restate it by choosing effective words that will drive your point home. Not sure if his silence means he’s upset or just zoned out once you’ve communicated with him? Encourage him to ask questions when he’s not sure what you’re thinking. Over time, you’ll be reading each other’s minds and emotions.

How Men Respond To Appreciation

It’s an established fact that men need appreciation, acceptance, and trust. How do you give a man all those things? Simply acknowledging what they do or how they express themselves by the work they do or their passion/hobby is a great start. Appreciation is an act of evaluating, while respect validates. Gratitude is a skill that needs to be honed and practiced. The truth is that when a couple can see the good in each other and feel appreciative, the relationship is filled with love, connection, and tranquility. Expressing gratitude can be more challenging when the stakes are higher such and the relationship isn’t that healthy.

Showing appreciation for him can make a big difference in the way he acts. For example, studies show that fathers are more involved in care-giving when their wives value their involvement in parenting. Men need to feel appreciated and acknowledged. If a man doesn’t feel that, he will either leave the relationship or will stay in it and feel miserable. Gratitude can save a relationship and literally change your life.

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BOOK EXCERPT #52

Do Men Over Think Sex?

The latest research tells us that most men under age 60 (no offense to 60+) think about sex at least once a day compared with about 25% of women. And here’s another secret. Men fantasize about sex nearly twice as often as women do and their fantasies are much more varied. They also think more about casual sex than women do, but thinking is not the same as doing. “Aye, there’s the rub,” said Shakespeare.

Men, if you are interested in a woman, trust me on this: They can spot authentic approaches versus fabricated ones from a mile away. The more thought out your approach is the less likely it will work. Don’t think about it. The time spent between your ears distracts from what’s taking place around you, which means your prime opportunity is fading. It shows a lack of confidence.

However, when you are just being yourself and you get rejected, it doesn’t hurt because it’s impossible to please everyone no matter how awesome you think you are. If you feel a certain way, say it or show it and the women will at least respect you for it. Further, if you want sex, and often, don’t ask for it. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO, by the way. All your sexual advances should be made in ways that evoke a sensual urge from her body so that she actually comes to you, jumps you, climbs on top of you, begs for it and says, “Honey, I need you right now. Come with me to the bedroom ...” Now, isn’t that the way it should go, guys? Interested in developing this response from your gal? Check out my other relationship book: Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want From Men Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom.

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BOOK EXCERPT #53

Men Find Sex Significant

Ask any guy and he’ll tell you that sex is definitely one of the most important things in life. It’s right up there with eating and breathing. It’s a myth that most men think sex is just sex. Like most women, men find sexual intimacy to be more satisfying in a committed relationship.

The male ego is tied to sex since it’s what drives him. Most long-term couples know how to please one another better than strangers who might spend only 60 minutes for a one-night stand.

More frequently, sex with the same woman, bonds and connects two people in ways that few other things can. There is a deeper connection between a man and a woman who choose to make love often with each other.

Why is sex so important to men? Men are generally candid and almost primal in their needs. They prefer sex in a relationship because it shows strength and unity. No matter what else is going on at the time, sex is what unites two people. It shows that you make him a priority and that you will always care about his needs and how he feels.

Yes, you could say the same about women. He cares about you and he wants to show you that in a physical manner. This is one way he demonstrates his affection, so remember that sex will always be of great importance to him!

Frankly, it’s what most men (and women) want: to know and be known by the other in the safety of unconditional love.

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BOOK EXCERPT #54

Men Love Pleasing A Woman In Bed

Your sexual pleasure, ladies, is important to him, but he won’t know what you like unless you tell him, he asks you or he tries new things with you. True, too many women feel uncomfortable talking about what they like and don’t like in bed. Not to worry. As the good book says, inside Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want From Men Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom men are encouraged to ask you what you would like done to you, introduce spicy sexual positions to keep the sizzle and passion alive and please your body for hours before his!

Many people expect sex to be effortless, but it rarely works that way in the real world. Just like any other skill, being good in bed takes time, practice (and that’s the best part), and education. If you can tell him clearly what you want, he’s probably very eager to please. HER: “Honey, I’d like (this) done to me ...” HIM: “Fine, twist my arm ... have it your way!”, as he smiles and gives her what she wants without hesitation.

Even if you’re just in a casual sexual relationship with a woman, you should still be invested in her pleasure. It should feel good to make another person feel good. You need to be able to tell her what your desires are, too, and to ask what hers are. Spend time concentrating on her body. Find out what helps make her achieve an orgasm, and repeat such activities and techniques so she can achieve multiple orgasms on your sexual watch.

Orgasms for women are similar, but a little different from how a man achieves orgasm. For women, they can achieve orgasms multiple times within the hour and even within a few minutes if you keep at it. Women who experience orgasm often, say 5-10x a week or month, are more relaxed in their daily lives. If she’s having a bad day, all she has to think about was last night when you helped her hit the BIG O’ multiple times. That ought to put a smile on her face when a client is barking at her over the phone about some customer service problem and she’s re-imagining your exploits in the bedroom. Men! Help make her your honey orgasm multiple times every week/month/year forever!

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BOOK EXCERPT #55

Guys Like It When Women Initiate Sex

Ladies, you knew that right? Of course you did. Are you initiating having sex with your man? Maybe you need some help or a sign that such advances would be welcomed by him.

Also know that many guys feel like they’re the ones who should initiate most of your sexual encounters and yet when the woman initiates sexual activity, it gives a man the rare chance to feel like he is the prize, desired, and cherished.

That feeling of being desired can be very stimulating for a man. Not to mention, it’s a great surprise when it happens. Sex is there for the taking and can get to be a little old and uncreative, devoid of mystery and challenge. You can change this, however, by making the man the object of the sexual transaction.

Ladies, we give you permission to hunt him down like a wild animal on the hunt for fresh meat. Sex that is solicited by women brings new motivation, invigorating desire and makes everything fresh and new again in the bedroom. Ladies, you’ve been given your sexual orders. Now, go after your man ... tonight! Surprise him. Pop around the corner in a sexy bathrobe with nothing on underneath. Take his hand and guide it where ... you know ... you want it. Let his imagination go wild. If you must, drag him into the bedroom or other interesting place to make love. The rest is up to you two ... to get it on! Have fun!

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BOOK EXCERPT #56

Are There Benefits To Having A LOT Of Sex? You Bet!

· Sex helps to relax you, reduces stress levels, and lowers blood pressure.

· Sex improves one’s heart health and immune system.

· Sex enables you to sleep better and improves your mood upon wakening.

· Sex can give you that “morning glow” we all want.

· Sex boosts brain power and can improve memories and analytical thinking.

· Sex releases all kinds of healthy hormones in the body.

· Sex boosts your libido, which is a good thing because it makes you want more of these great benefits.

· Sex burns calories and can build muscle tone.

· Sex makes you look years younger, fresh and alive.

· Sex extends longevity.

· Sex puts a smile on your face that can last all day long.

· Sex brings you closer to the ONE you love.

· Sex can do all this and so much more ...

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BOOK EXCERPT #57

23 Coupons For Intimacy & Just Hanging Out

1. A bubble bath together with all the extras.

2. A candle light dinner at home or a restaurant of choice.

3. A day of watching movies in bed or camped out in the living room.

4. A day/weekend where you can choose to do anything.

5. A free day/week of no chores (i.e., dishes, laundry, etc.)

6. A full body massage for as long as you desire it.

7. A funky evening out on the town anywhere you want.

8. A make-out session anywhere, anytime.

9. A night of strip poker (or other game) with no rules and no limits.

10. A night where you’re serviced by your personal sex slave.

11. A romantic afternoon picnic anywhere, anytime.

12. A trip together to a local spa or even a hotel jacuzzi suite for the weekend for relaxation.

13. An evening of dancing or a dancing lesson.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE INTIMACY IDEAS IN THE BOOK.)

Create actual coupons on your computer to give him/her by typing out this list and adding a few extra ideas of your own. Then, make sure there’s enough space between each coupon so you can cut them out. Print them on colored paper, cut them out, then sign them and hand them over to your lover indiscriminately. Put a few (or all) of them in a bag or bowl and say, “Pick one, and we’ll do whatever the coupon says.”

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BOOK EXCERPT #58

18 Reasons Why WOMEN Leave Their Marriages

1. The emotional and physical connections are no longer.

2. His behavior is controlling or abusive.

3. She feels replaced and no longer #1 in his life. He’s mentally left the marriage; maybe even for another woman.

4. She has constant, unresolvable arguments about money or other topics of disagreements with her husband.

5. He avoids confrontation and won’t talk about your problems; only his matters most.

6. He had an illness or medical condition that required more attention than she was willing to provide.

7. Sex is the only thing he expects from her, oh and cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children.

8. He doesn’t support her even on the important things.

9. He takes no responsibility for issues and blames her for everything.

10. He makes no apologies when he’s wrong and hurtful with such words or physical actions.

(THERE ARE 8 MORE REASONS IN THE BOOK.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #59

21 Reasons Why MEN Leave Their Marriages

1. The couple no longer had anything in common anymore.

2. They had disagreements over spending/money issues.

3. He grew tired and drained of her emotional outbursts and irrational behaviors.

4. She stopped caring; he stopped feeling appreciated.

5. Sexual betrayal. One of them cheated, and it couldn’t be forgiven.

6. He was having a midlife crisis and needed to escape.

7. He was leading a double life, which either exposed him or consumed him; as a result, brought the marriage to an end.

8. Sex become lackluster or even totally non-existent.

9. He felt his needs weren’t being recognized or validated.

10. Trust is always one of the biggest reasons men leave a relationship.

11. He was suffering from depression and she didn’t care or felt indifferent towards helping him.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE REASONS IN THE BOOK.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #60

22 Questions To Ask Yourself BEFORE Making The Big Decision To Leave

1. What is it specifically that’s causing you to think leaving is the best step towards relieving you of the pain/anguish you might be experiencing?

2. Have you tried and tried to work things out so you don’t have to leave? Do you even care to try at this point?

3. If you leave, will you feel relieved or would you feel regret at some point down the line? Are you prepared to feel some regret, but feeling relieved that is more of what you want?

4. Who and what needs to change in order for you to stay? Can those changes be made and met to your satisfaction?

5. Would you be better off on your own or with someone new who doesn’t cause you problems you’re experiencing now?

6. Have you confronted your significant other to address all your concerns? What was his/her response? Positive in your direction (i.e., let’s fix things) or negative (i.e., no signs he/she wants to work things out)?

7. Can a heavy dose of forgiveness help where it’s needed?

8. Do you really have to break up when your dreams and goals head in different directions?

9. Are you starting to turn to someone else for support?

10. Are guilt trips replacing open communication?

11. Are you unhappy in the relationship?

12. Do you feel your personal growth is being stunted?

(THERE ARE 10 MORE QUESTIONS IN THE BOOK.)

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BOOK EXCERPT #61

Losing The ONE For You Doesn’t Have To Mean Your Life Is Over, Although It May Feel That Way!

The pain of losing someone special, feelings of rejection, bouts of self-doubt, and more, teach us how emotional pain feels and that we can move past it energized and hopeful that we are not at the end of the road, but at the beginning of a new one. So, knowing that, it’s okay to stop being so hard on yourself.

When you tie yourself to one person, it can be a blessing or become a small curse. People have a tendency to take bits and pieces of what they assume will work and when those things don’t have any basis in reality, they feel like they’ve failed in their relationships. No one can be all things to a significant other and why would you want to?

Sometimes when you lose the person you thought was the love of your life, you eventually meet someone else, hopefully better, and wonder why you spent any time with that other person in the first place.

Life is transitory, which is why we need to surround ourselves with people who genuinely care about us and who will be there for you when the going gets tough. They’ll beat down your door, drag you out of bed, share in your heartbreak and tell you what you need to hear until you get to the point where you’re ready to take on the world again and find someone new to love you.

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BOOK EXCERPT #62

22 Ways To Resolve Conflict

1. Nothing helps to resolve conflict more than: Desire, patience, understanding, time and communication. Let the other person speak freely. Let them fully communicate their thoughts.

2. Be cautious about judging and be slow to anger. Show you understand. Learn to figure out the other party’s perspective. Seek to understand before you seek to be understood.

3. Be sensitive toward the other person to avoid any dangerous reactions that could threaten the relationship (even more).

4. Anything “uncontrolled” in a relationship can ultimately be harmful to that relationship, especially, uncontrolled ambition, uncontrolled anger, uncontrolled behavior, uncontrolled drinking, uncontrolled jealousies, uncontrolled lust, uncontrolled rage, uncontrolled smoking, uncontrolled spending, uncontrolled tempers and more.

5. The greatest destroyer of many relationships is an uncontrolled tongue! The tongue can do enormous damage! Whether you bite your tongue when you should be speaking or spew ugly venom, a great forest can be set on fire by one tiny spark. Self control means controlling your tongue.

6. Think before you speak; It costs you nothing and yet can save everything you’ve built up ’til this point.

7. Speaking before you think can cost you everything!

8. Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in gear.

9. You will have to live with the consequences of everything you say.

10. Speak only the truth. Speak only from an honest heart. Those who hold back truths will cause trouble eventually.

11. Dishonesty destroys relationships. Fear destroys relationships.

12. Honest answers are signs of long-lasting relationships.

(THERE ARE 10 MORE WAYS TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN THE BOOK.)

So, remember the old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Better yet, before you speak ask yourself, is what I’m about to say truthful, honest, inspirational, informative, motivational, helpful, necessary, kind? A person’s words are the most powerful things he/she has. It’s your job to keep them positive and reliable.

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BOOK EXCERPT #63

When To Know If The Relationship Is NOT Working Out Anymore?

1. One of you is too busy and/or too absorbed in whatever it is you’re doing, perhaps outside the relationship so that you’re unable to give adequate time and attention to help your relationship grow any further ...

2. You talk, but don’t listen to each other anymore or you talk over each other.

3. You talk too much to other people about your relationship and not enough to the ONE you’re with.

4. You go along with decisions you both don’t agree on and sometimes without voicing your concerns in the open.

5. You fixate on the things that drive you crazy about him/her, and now your problems have become insurmountable.

6. You don’t believe that your goals and dreams will be fulfilled with the ONE you chose anymore and wonder if it could be with someone else.

7. You feel like you’ve reached a plateau in you relationship and you feel empty inside and unable to explain or justify your feelings.

8. You’re stagnating and clinging to a hopeless situation because you don’t know what to do. It seems there’s no way out.

9. One of you has been unfaithful and you believe talking things through, working on why it happened, and forgiveness just isn’t in the cards to save the relationship. One of you wants out.

10. He/she seems different, estranged, aloof, out there, not in touch with YOUR reality.

11. You’ve been lied to, taken advantage of, and robbed of your time, energy, money, trust and ...

12. You’re unable to connect or work things out, no matter how hard you try to communicate what’s on your mind and in your heart, you just can’t seem to work things out.

13. Sometimes trying harder at resolving serious problems just isn’t enough to save a relationship. The best thing to do is to accept the fact that maybe you weren’t meant to be together. It happens. It’s not the end of the world, either. Just this chapter of your life.

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BOOK EXCERPT #64

When You Lose The One For You

You had your hopes and dreams tied up in that ONE special someone who is gone and out of your life forever. Well, it may sound like an impossible task to heal and get through an experience like this, and some never do, but human evolution says we do. That said, remember, not to be too hard on yourself, because, that’s life.

People will always come and go out of our lives. They enrich us, they teach us things, they add to our life experience, they share in the good times and the bad. They create memories meant to last a lifetime, they even set standards as to how we want to live our lives, which in turn should fuel and encourage us to keep moving ... forward!

While you are absolutely allowed time to grieve and experience the readjustment of what has happened, surround yourself with positive people who will support and inspire you.

Time should be spent looking forward and renewing. Like millions of couples and individuals who’ve been through what you’re going through, you can trust in the very fact that there will come a day when you will be able to love and feel loved, again.

You may have seen the red flags that signaled that an end might be inevitable. Maybe not and then you simply woke up to it. You may have been taken by surprise and experienced your loss and despair and a feeling of uncertainty about life without that person. Nonetheless, life is about moving forward and further seeking more growth, love and opportunities to be loved.

That is my wish for you in order to remain true to your situation. We deserve to be loved from the moment we are born and to that moment we leave this earth and the enormity of people who cared about us. Live your life to its fullest reality and then don’t leave empty hearted.

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BOOK EXCERPT #65

What About Breakups? Is There A Bright Side To Leaving The One For You?

Well, at least you thought he/she was the ONE until you learned that it wasn’t meant to be. Life happens. We make mistakes. Maybe, you gave someone the benefit of the doubt, you put everything into the relationship and what did you get? Not enough to keep going so hopefully you departed with grace and dignity.

Earlier in the book, I discussed leaving with respect because when you walk out that door you’ll be looking for another chance at love with a healthy heart and lessons learned. Now, we’ll look at some of the perks for leaving a relationship.

· For starters, you now have time to explore new possibilities now that you’ve settled some personal matters in your life. Seize the opportunity to reinvent yourself and learn more about yourself so you can move on to find the new ONE.

· Deep down, it’s a big pill to swallow when a relationship ends, but look at it as a second chance to find the ideal match for you.

· Maybe your caring friends or family are glad you’re able to start fresh because they weren’t getting along with your significant other. Well, that problem is solved.

· No more disagreements over things that really irritated you. What better time than to examine what went wrong to avoid repeating history with the same/similar B.S.

· You discover you’re stronger than you thought you are. This breakup experience taught you a lot about yourself and you’re grateful for the experience.

· You realize there’s a whole new/improved life waiting for you now. It’s time to chase after it and fulfill what awaits you.

· Someone new ... You can freely look forward to someone new coming into your life and when you least expect it. You deserve the second chance to move on and you deserve it. The time is now to ... love again!

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